IS CARDBOARD CLOTHING THE FUTURE OF RAVER FASHION?

Cardboard couture is about to take over the rave scene according to Rosie Pitoune, the legendary fashion designer who earned notoriety in the early 1990s when her patented Predictive Raver Fashion Algorithm correctly foresaw the rise of phat pants and fun fur.

“I was the first person to see the potential in phat pants, I made millions of dollars off of that bet, and it was all thanks to my secret algorithm,” says Ms. Pitoune. “Now my algorithm has informed me that cardboard is the future. You can already see it gaining popularity on the fringes of the rave scene. No matter which party you attend, you’ll bump into a young darling fashionista wearing a cardboard box, or maybe cardboard panties, or a cardboard hat. But make no mistake, every party now has at least one person wearing some cardboard couture.”

Ms. Pitoune predicts that within a few years, the vast majority of ravers will be wearing cardboard boxes. “Today it’s one person, next month it’s two, next year it’s fifty, and in three years it’s the entire dance floor,” says Ms. Pitoune. “Then something new will take it’s place. However, for a short time, cardboard will rule over the rave scene with a paper fist. Only losers will wear cotton. The real ravers will wrap themselves in beautiful beige cardboard, they’ll look like glorious homeless people waging a futile war against the harsh elements that are beating down upon this godforsaken world. The cardboard aesthetic era is upon us, and while it may not last forever, it will last for much longer than anyone anticipates.”