Doctors are reporting that people who hug the speakers when listening to music at parties are 6 times more likely to develop severe tissue damage to their large intestine. Reports show that the low frequency sound waves travelling through the body lead to the weakening of the intestinal wall tissue and can eventually lead to bowel related illnesses and even incontinence.

Dr. Daignault of the CHUM hospital center has reported that further research is being conducted to determine if more funding should be put into awareness campaigns to alert youth of the risks. "I think it is hard to say at the moment if the negative effects of speaker-hugging outweigh the positive but until we have drawn more conclusive studies, I would recommend that people try to refrain from long periods of speaker hugging."

Though there is no immediate cause for alarm, hysterics began to emerge when it was reported that a raver ended up at the hospital due to a long festival weekend of dancing and speaker-hugging. Jocelyn Lambert was admitted into hospital after leaving a party with complaints of severe cramps. Upon arriving at the hospital, internal bleeding was discovered by triage and she was admitted for an emergency operation.

Though Jocelyn has survived and is in stable condition, her parents have began a campaign to require manufacturers to put a large wire cage around the speaker to prevent future risks to others.

"It only makes sense that we protect our children from dangerous things," says Jocelyn's mother, Therese Lambert. "We already have to worry about drugs and alcohol but now we have to worry about music volumes and speaker access as well. At least with a wire cage around the speakers, people would be forced to stay at least 3 feet away from the speaker."

Therese and her husband, Francois Lambert have been writing letters to the Canadian Standards Association to see what kind of discourse they have to petition for adjustments made to speaker importation regulations.

Until a final report is submitted on the effects of speaker-hugging, ravers are advised to consider abstaining until further conclusions are rendered.

The tragic and unnecessary death of two local DJs was the final outcome of a verbal altercation that broke out at High Speed Supper Club this Saturday evening where the two DJs were seen yelling at one another about the time-slots that were allotted to them. The altercation concluded in both DJs suffering cardiac arrest, nearly simultaneously after consuming mass amounts of cocaine before the disagreement.

"They were both raging so hard man," said a local clubber whom tried to get the two DJs to settle on a coin toss instead of the drug addled masquerade of clubber machismo that took place that evening. "They started looking pretty bad and then out of nowhere they both gave out," said another clubber who wished to remain Anonymous. "I'm pissed because I came down here today just to see those guys play and I already took my pills and now I have to deal with the venue`s default techno playlists. FML."

It was reported that the two DJs were from rival scenes but despite this fact, fans of the two DJs intend on paying their homage next Saturday, together, in hopes that peace between scenes can come from this tragic event.

In what is being called both tasteless and sacrilegious by some local residents, St. Guiseppe-de-Pina has recently been sold to a private interest and declassified as a protected historical landmark.

To make things worse, Luca Brizito who purchased the church at a city-run property auction, has decided to ink a deal with a popular local rave promoter to use the soon to be restored facilities as a new semi-permanent venue for the well established underground rave scene.

Using funds generated through years of party promotions, THE DREAM SYNDICATE, a co-op run promotions company has signed a multi-year contract with Brizito for the rights to use the venue four nights a week as an after-hours dancehall. With intentions to feature the highest quality sound system and lights second only to STEREO, THE DREAM SYNDICATE aims to use the facilities to create a physical hub in the city for ravers to network through. The rest of the time, the building would operate as an office to carry out the necessary work to ensure that everything is to code when the venue launches.

Though everything has been arranged in full accordance to the law, local citizens and ex-members of the old church are outraged. "I don't see how they could just rip apart a piece of history like that and turn it into some sort of sicko soc-hop," says Douglas Miller, a local senior resident.

The sale was allowed to go through by the city for a variety of technicalities but locals are not going to ease on their protests until further proof is demonstrated by the city that the deal and decision to declassify the church was legitimate.

A private inquiry was launched and is being spearheaded by Douglas Miller, a local resident, in hopes that the decision can be overturned before the new owners have a chance to move in.

"There is no way these sick drug addicts are going to end up in my neighborhood," Douglas Miller goes on to say. "We all know what they are going to do there. They are going to take drugs and listen to their satanic music and then spill out into our streets in the morning when we are out walking our dogs or gardening our lawns. We can't have that kind of danger around here and I hope the city will see how this will ultimately be a detriment to the entire community."

Both The dream syndicate and Luca Brizito were given opportunity to publicly respond but have declined. As for the city, Crown-property expert Simon Hunt has stated that the sale is final and that Luca Brizito will be given the opportunity to launch the venue as long as he respects the strict set of codes issued by the city to run the operation.

Small town Wiltburn has seen an unprecedented rise in drug related activity in its neighborhood and in the last few months local dealers have been outnumbering users with a ratio of 2:1. This recent soar in dealers has been blamed on recent local factory closings as well as cutbacks to welfare and unemployment.

But ultimately, the recent rise in dealer activity was likely caused by the local meth lab explosion that occurred recently which exposed the building's basement and gave open access to the large surplus stock of extremely potent crystal meth that was being hidden away by the now deceased occupants. Local addicts immediately rushed the location, helping themselves to obscenely large bags of the substance before any authorities arrived on scene.

"Ever since that explosion you don't have to walk more than 5 feet before like 4 different people are ready to offer you their crappy ice pills man," says longtime party-goer Justin Mallock. "I remember when I was the only guy on the block who knew how to get this stuff and now it's like everybody is slinging."

Justin is not the only one voicing his discontent. The most critical blow to this illegitimate economy has been to the local party scene. The sudden surplus of drugs available to party goers has caused a dramatic drop in prices, forcing some dealers to start practically giving away or even taking their own drugs just to avoid the massive stock depreciation of local meth.

This soaring surplus has been a positive benefit to others. Another local addict expressed joy regarding the recent surge of dealers claiming; "ain't never have to go more than 5 feet and you get four people selling at like Walmart prices."

In recent weeks, the Wiltburn drug market crash has led to an increase in violence between dealers as they have begun resorting to divisive means in order to thin out the market. Most of the recent drug dealer deaths in Wiltburn have been over-dose related but police are speculating whether it is due to gang rivalry or dealers trying to consume their own stock before it becomes completely worthless on the streets.

The initial and irrational momentum of the crash led some to speculate that some dealers have even been using less cutting agents and offering more pure substance in order to remain competitive. "That would explain the recent rise in reported psychotic episodes we have been receiving," says constable Lorimer. Police are confident that the surplus chaos will end as existing drug stocks eventually dry up.

"Everything will eventually return to normal once the supply of meth is consumed and the ongoing violence ceases," says constable Lorimer. "People will eventually pay normal prices again and we can all go back to catching bad guys."

Whether you are a junkie or dealer right now, things in Wiltburn are likely to get a lot worse before getting better. With so much to go around, police urge that non-meth users take this time to stay indoors and catch up on some reading or play games with the family while they wait out the temporary crash.

Seven ravers have been reported dead or in critical condition in the Okanagan Valley after a weekend of camping festivities ended in a suspiciously coincidental bout of drug related deaths and accidents. Of seven individuals, five are deceased. The other two are in critical condition after falling nearly 50 feet.

According to authorities, the seven individuals were all reported to have consumed a very potent batch of DMT which led several users to losing control and accidentally endangering themselves due to the extremely powerful hallucinogenic effects of the drug.

The ravers were all attending a three day electronic music festival held on private camping grounds. The two in critical condition were reported to have arrived at night, in time to join in with a group of five others who were preparing to experiment with the powerful psychoactive DMT.

"All I remember from that night is that they all went off, deep into the woods saying they were going to find the answer," says Michel Goudit, one of several hundred ravers who attended the event. "Eventually a couple of them came back saying how beautiful the evening was and how they were going to go off to the lake to swim under the stars." Michel began to tear as she continued to recant the following events. "I thought nothing of it and watched them walk away. I went back to my circle of friends and suggested that maybe we also go down to the lake if any of them knew where it was." Michel went on to explain how her friends looked at her strangely and then explained to her that there was no lake accessible to the campsite by foot. Moments after this exchange and realizing what was going on, several screams were heard throughout the campsite.

Running down to see what had happened, Michel and her friends found a circle of ravers peering over a cliff lit only by a few cell phones to discover the two ravers she had seen earlier. "They must have really been seeing shit to have thought it was lake" said another on-looking raver. Many suspect that due to a lack of light and the DMT, the two ravers, who are in critical condition must have interpreted the starry sky view and pitch-black forest as a beach horizon. The fact that they had arrived at night with likely little knowledge of the campsite layout may also support this explanation.

In addition to this tragedy, several other screams were echoing around the forest. With little to no available light source, the camp had degenerated into a state of mass panic as ravers were discovering other ravers, dead in several strange mishaps.

Three ravers were found asphyxiated in their own sleeping bags in a tent that seemed to be doubling as a makeshift sweat lodge. Witnesses described opening the tent flap and being greeted with an air blast of steam. As the view inside cleared, the bodies of three ravers were found lying lifelessly in sopping wet sleeping bags. Several ravers quickly tore open the tent only to find that all three were already dead from suffocation.

The remaining two were found an hour later in what was likely the most grisly of the terrible discoveries. They were found in another tent, further away from the others in what could only be described as harrowing; laying upon several analog synthesizers stained with blood were the two other ravers. They were both covered in blood and from what was reported by authorities, the users are assumed to have also been in an extreme psychedelic episode. The report goes on to describe how it would seem the two ravers were experimenting with the drug and music and attempted to cut off each other's ears in what has been concluded to be another death caused by the DMT.

According to one seemingly unaffected raver, the DMT was most certainly to blame in these incidents. He describes DMT as an unforgiving and powerful mind altering substance that can create highly suggestive experiences. "One of them was probably like; I wish I could hear what you hear man. And then they probably thought they could just trade ears, just like that. I've almost been places like that too man. You don't know up from down on shit like that."

Families of the victims want more to be done about such powerful drugs but some have argued that typically, deaths from DMT hallucinations are very low and that this was likely an incorrectly dosed batch or perhaps even tainted with additional chemicals. One party goer suggests that irresponsibility is to blame. "I think they just didn't bother to think about having someone sober around to make sure they weren't completely out of their gourd", says longtime party goer Kevin. "On top of that, if these events had some fucking lights and medical staff on hand should something happen, people would be able to trip out safely and shit like this wouldn't have to happen. We are in the woods after all and a lot of people like to get high and never think about safety and preparation."

Though no apparent dealer connected to the DMT consumed has been found, police will investigate further on the currently minor numbers of DMT in circulation.

When you see DJ Colin X at a party, he has a secret you would never guess when you first meet him. He is blind at night. What makes Colin X special is something that may compel you to call him Batman. That is, like bats, Colin X seems to have acquired the ability to use echo location techniques to determine where people are in the room, particularly at loud rave parties.

"It works best with fast, hard-style psytrance," says Colin X. "Basically, after so many parties, I began to understand the reverb and tones that were created from the beats bouncing off of the floor, walls, ceiling and even the people next to me. If I moved a step on every beat, I could pinpoint where my path was on the dance floor using my echolocation. The fast music means I can take more steps in less time but it requires major focus."

Colin X goes on to explain how he used to depend on his friends to help him navigate through the years of nightlight escapades they have endured together. "My bros were my beacons, they had my back and lead the way to some good times."

Colin X believes that his skill continues to improve every day as he is able to retain in his brain more and more detailed interpretations of his surrounding darkness. "It's like I have a certain resolution but as I improve, I become capable of interpreting more detail. Like being able to know if you are holding a beer or not, using my echolocation skills."

How does he think he acquired this skill? We asked him and the answer will amuse you. "Well basically I have a spoonful of cashews every day when I wake up and I believe the cashews gave me this power."

Though he has no immediate plans to pursue a life of crime fighting as the next Batman, we are excited to see him on the stage, dropping more phat beats.

Local rave statisticians are reporting that for the first time ever, the number of vinyl and CD jockeys in proportion USBJ and laptop jockeys is at all time low.

Despite the rise in analog enthusiasm caused by the recent resurrection of niche vinyl markets, the lure of simplicity brought by computers is what has lead to today's saturated scene of DJ wannabes.

Dermatologists are reporting a surge in the number of raver patients with scabies and conclusions have been drawn that dirty upholstered seating furniture found at underground parties is likely the culprit.

After a recent survey conducted by rave statisticians was taken amongst ravers diagnosed with scabies, nearly all reported individuals having spent time sitting on seating provided at many abandoned loft parties near the Griffentown area. Though none of the cases have proven to be severe, the likelihood of continued spread is very possible.

"Scabies is very difficult to treat 100%," says Dermatologist Dr . Patel. "The problem is that even if we remove the scabies from the host, scabies can live up to 2 or three 3 days without a human host and can even remain dormant, embedded in upholstered furniture or even clothes and curtains, waiting for an opportune moment." Dr. Patel goes on to explain that the risks are very likely large when attending underground events. "The furniture has probably been used for years and with the array of people that find themselves at these events, it's no surprise people bring their scabies to and from these unregulated events," he says, pausing to reconsider his thoughts. "It's not that these parties shouldn't be happening, I just think more effort should be made to respect certain fundamentals of hygiene and clean public seating is step one in stopping the spread of scabies."

Whether ravers will be seeing bugs for real this time is hard to say. The fact that scabies are nearly impossible to see paired with the impressionable mind of party goers who experiment with psychedelics, the possibility of panic spreading about scabies is something to consider.

In lieu of the recent fashion trend of wearing animal tails as apparel, Raver youth have pounced on a new evolution of the trend. It has been reported that raver youth are actually grafting animal tails to their tailbone with many early adopters having the tails grafted on by peers, leading to several reports of infections within the community.

After passing through health codes and guidelines, Doctor Sango now offers the tail grafts to the rave community at a discounted rate. Many parents are outraged that such an operation can be available to youth but others have argued that having the surgeries done professionally by a certified doctor ensures that infections are no longer a problem. "I look at it as an evolution of piercing culture," says Dr. Marc Sango. "I offer the operations in a clean and secure environment and require that my clients be alcohol free when making the decision to graft the tail on."

Dr. Sango intends to expand the quickly blooming tail-grafting industry, pending further reviews from the health board. Until then, Dr. Sango's license permits him the right to offer and run a single location his tail-grafting business, which has already been classified as a cosmetic surgery. With over 50 different animal styles to choose from, tail-grafting is slowly making its way into mainstream fashion.

It has been revealed that the webmaster of a once popular rave messaging forum has demoed his newest extension of his now infamous online rave community and forum. The project, simply called Reve, is an immersive 3D universe designed specifically for the Oculus Rift SDK and allows its users to take themselves away to the wild world of late night raves in a highly detailed 3D simulation.

Users enter the experience as custom avatars in one of several texture rich party spaces filled with impressive simulations of all the sights and sounds of a real rave. Using an engine and interface similar to top of the line 3D shooters, coupled with the Oculus rift and a gyroscopic treadmill, Reve users are able to fully experience the glow and power of the rave from the comfort of their own home and under the safety of their online anonymity.

After months of clandestine development, the project culminated in a secret beta test period that was so controversial it was nearly shut down by the police upon its discovery. The controversy was started after several local teens disappeared for several days. Many regulars in the local scene had not been making their regular appearances at all the local events and it had begun to impact the local drug economy.

After an entire week, both parents of the teens and dope peddlers alike had become increasingly concerned as to the location of the missing raver teens. An online history search conducted by the police determined that all the missing teens had last visited a suspicious website. After verifying the location of the host server, police went to the address to discover several of the missing teens in a large loft space, hooked up to a matrix like concoction of Oculus rift devices, gyroscopic treadmills and workstation computers running the simulated world.

The Reve creator, who wishes to remain anonymous explained to the police the secret project and offered to let the constable try it himself. "Technically, there was nothing wrong with the game. I think that the parents are just happy they found their children and maybe next time they will let them know where they are," said constable La Croix about the missing teens. As for what he thought of the game himself; "I think if the game is very real maybe we will see less people at the parties with the drugs and alcohol."

A few days later it was reported that some of the teens had to be hospitalized due to severe dehydration as it was discovered that the teens were so immersed in their digital rave space that they had forgotten to drink enough water and urinate after having consumed illegal drugs. "How are we supposed to know our kids are safe when soon they will be able to rave in their own room alone," says one parent. Other parents have suggested that it may be beneficial as perhaps more and more teens will stay home in the evenings, choosing the safety of the Reve over the dangers of real world raves.

Regarding the controversy of the drugs, the rave webmaster had this to say; "I have nothing to do with what people choose to put in their body when they come to my real-world parties so why should it be any different when they come to my cyber space? I`m not ashamed of this project, people make their own choices and that philosophy is retained within Reve. I know the risk of people abusing this simulated world and the possibility of aging ravers finding themselves addicted to the Reve as well as the drugs. The benefit of Reve is you get the full experience without any of the pain trying to get home."

The webmaster has not let this PR blunder damage ongoing development and Reve is still scheduled for a public beta once the devices are available for consumer purchase. To top it all off, celebrities in the rave scene have had mainly positive things to say about the simulation and with the help of some silent investors whom have shown interest despite the recent controversy, Reve will likely make a large sum of money through the various micro transactions that will eventually be rolled out in the simulated world. With plans to sign deals with both famous and up and coming DJs around the world for time slots in the digital space, Reve is beginning to look more and more like reality.

Suspicions are growing in the local underground party scene that there is an undercover operative amongst them who has penetrated the elusive center of the local drug economy. Word of the "next level undercover program" emerged when party goers began to suspect a newcomer DJ to the local scene.

Evan Nowes, a local raver, made claims that according to documents stolen from the SPVM's intranet, new initiatives were being created to more effectively monitor the local party scene from within by creating the ultimate undercover operative. The documents go on to detail the ongoing efforts and programs police have been deploying to further enter the scene undetected, gaining trust and respect from local party-goers using existing intelligence gathered over the last few years.

According to one stolen document, police have chosen only the most physically and socially convincing individuals to train for this program with one to be selected for the 2 year operation. These initiatives required participants to study the culture using available resources which included entries with titles such as "Fashion and Culture Assimilation for Better Target Emulation", "Beat Matching and Sonic Endurance Training for Enhanced Musical Empathy" as well as "Understanding Nightlife Colloquialisms and Other Social Mechanisms".

This discovery has sent a chill down the spines of local party goers but the group that has shown the most concern have been the local drug dealers. This has led to Cold War levels of paranoia to reverberate through the community and has created tensions that are beginning to lead to false accusations and altercations.

The undercover has not yet been discovered and this has led to some dealers reportedly ceasing sales until further notice. Others have chosen to continue to take the risk while ensuring they completely isolate anyone suspected of being an undercover from the ongoing drug activity that plagues the local scene.

Alex Beron was one of several new ravers to be targeted and accused by party going peers. "At one point, the rumor that I was the undercover spread so far that people would move away when I would approach them at parties. It felt like I had a disease. No one would talk to me or sell me even a piece of weed. I've been having a terrible time, I just want to get high and listen to some psy."

The SPVM would not comment on the stolen documents but dismissed that such a program is currently in operation. Despite this information, ravers have not taken any comfort in the statement and have continued to cautiously go about their activities with increasingly active vigilance.

After years of Montreal underground party culture having gone unchecked, it has been reported that nearly 98% of ravers who visit the ER have been tested or showed signs of having an accelerated strain of the herpes virus called Herpetic-Plurosa.

Herpetic-Plurosa was first discovered back in 2001 when it made its first dent into the Montreal rave population. Several parties during that time were marked on the list of possible exposure sites and a general call to all those who attended the parties was made, urging ravers to seek immediate treatment in order to avoid any risk of asymptomatic shedding of the virus.

Of the thousands of party goers, only a few hundred actually sought out help and the virus has managed to make its way into the center of the constantly growing and prolific underground Montreal rave scene.

Fast forward a dozen years and doctors are suddenly finding that clinics are now reporting vastly larger numbers of people who have recently acquired the virus and also previously attended a party in the underground scene.

Doctor Kensington, a scholar from the McGill Health Advisory suggests that there are likely major characteristics and behaviors specific to rave parties that are likely to blame for exacerbating the spread of the uncommon virus strain. "I suspect the real issue here is not the virulence of the virus strain itself but it is likely in fact the level of close contacts that are made in the rave world."

Dr. Kensington was quick to blame drugs as well. "Due to the mass amounts of alcohol and drugs that are consumed at unregulated, late night parties, people are known to quite substantially lose their inhibitions and also become careless about things they may typically be more conscious of when not under the influence," he explained to a group of other medical advisors.

Many other advisors agree with Kensington and go on to suggest that there should be more medical staff present at underground parties and that the Health Advisory Administration should try and get a better idea of how much contact there is in these usually impromptu and unregulated events.

Though no official public health announcement is planned to be made in regard to the increase in infections, the health administration will continue to review the current statistics further before addressing the issues.