RAVERS IN DEEP SHIT THANKS TO ANGRY FARMER

Ravers who unwittingly trespassed on to Henry Becklenburg's field were splattered with shit after they refused to leave the farmer's land. "Those young bastards were trampling all over my grass," said Henry. "I told them to leave. They wouldn't. So I got on my muck spreader, drove it to my field, and I let those dancing idiots have a taste of animal waste. I covered all of em, head to toe, in manure. I covered their cars. I covered their tents. I cover their fancy music equipment. All of it in shit. They went to the cops to complain. I'm told that they're out nearly ten thousand bucks in broken electronics. Maybe that will teach 'em not to throw parties on other people's property. it's rude."

The leader of the renegade party, Jessica Ringauld, was livid. "We thought it was public land," said Jessica. "It didn't look like a farm field. It just looked a giant empty place that was perfect for dancing. There weren't any buildings in sight. We didn't know that anyone owned the place. There wasn't a fence, or a no trespassing sign, or anything. By the time Mecklenburg found us, we'd been partying for five hours, it was 3 in the morning. He should have just let us finish. We asked him politely if we could stay, we told him we'd clean up afterwards, we even offered to pay him for using his land. He wouldn't let it go. He just kept telling us to leave. We got upset at how stubborn he was, so we ignored him. Which, I guess, wasn't smart in hindsight."

One of the DJs, who brought his own equipment, says he plans on suing Henry. "He wrecked my stuff. And why? Because I was partying on his land without his permission? I don't think anyone needs permission to party. We have a constitutional right to get our groove on, wherever, whenever. That old farmer, he's going to pay for what he did."

Henry is unrepentant. "Young people have no respect for private property these days. They're all a bunch of godless communists. I did the right thing. I'd do it all over again if I had too. They were on my land. They deserved it."