Index - About Us Register - Login
Article Listings
Newest Articles
All Articles
Monthly View
2019 April
2019 February
2019 January
2018 December
2018 November
2018 September
2018 August
2018 July
2018 June
2018 May
2017 October
2017 September
2017 August
2017 July
2017 January
2016 May
2016 April
2016 March
2016 February
2016 January
2015 December
2015 November
2015 October
2015 September
2015 August
2015 July
2015 June
2015 May
2015 April
2015 March
2015 January
2014 September
2014 August
2014 July
2014 June
2014 May
2014 April
2013 November
2013 October
2013 June
2013 May
2013 April
2013 March
2013 February
2013 January
2012 November
2012 October
2012 September
2012 August
2012 June
2011 December
2011 November
2011 August
2011 July
2010 December
2010 November
2010 October
Like Us!
Friday September 14th, 2018

A recent study by the Categorical Institute For Nominal Investigations claims that over 40% of all ravers are named Kyle. “Even ravers that aren’t named Kyle are named Kyle,” says lead researcher Kyle Kylerson. “That means that ravers who don’t have Kyle as a first name usually have it as their second name.”

Kyle doesn’t have any explanation for this phenomenon. “Right now, it’s a bit of a mystery,” says Kyle. “What we do know is that the number of Kyles in the rave scene has exploded over the last 20 years. Back in the nineties, the distribution of names within the raver population reflected the distribution of names among the whole population. That began changing shortly after the first Spider-Man movie was released by Sony Pictures. That’s when you can see a sharp spike in ravers named Kyle. We’re not sure what the link is between Spider-Man and why so many ravers are named Kyle, but it’s something we’re looking into.”

Kyle Brogan, a rave promoter from Chicoutimi, says there’s just something about raving that attracts people named Kyle. “I don’t know, raves are like dog whistles for the Kyles of the world,” says Kyle. “There’s something about raves that we can’t resist, something that non-Kyle’s can’t fully appreciate.”

Kyle Panopolous, a DJ from New Zealand, agrees. “I’ve got a sixth sense for raves. It’s like I just know when there’s a rave happening,” says Kyle. “Like I don’t even need GPS or google maps to find a rave. I just use my Kyle-sense, and boom, I’ll find a party to go to — it’s kind of freaky.”

Kyle Kylerson says that at the current rate, the rave scene will be fully Kylerized by 2022. “That’s the year when over 98% of all ravers will be named Kyle,” says Kyle. “It’s almost enough to make you ask if there’s something supernatural going on. Is this an act of God? Are aliens behind it? Is it a marketing scheme by Sony pictures for the next Spider-Man movie? I guess we’ll find out soon enough.”
Contact Us | Copyright (c) 2024 Rave News