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Sunday September 9th, 2018

A new fashion craze has doctors concerned as thousands of female ravers around the world have cut off their labia in order to turn them into jewelry. “A lot of young women seem to think that it’s the ultimate fashion statement,” says Barry Arachide, a fashionologist at the Institute For Teenage Trends. “They consider it a sort of declaration of war against socially constructed gender identities. Wearing their labia around their necks is a way of letting society know they won’t let social norms dictate their biology.”

Leanna Perdu is a 19 year old college student who has been evangelizing labia necklaces for the last several years. “I first learned about the labia freedom movement on Tumblr,” says Leanna. “And it just made so much sense. That’s when I decided I’d become a high priestess of the faith, convincing people that it was time to grab a pair of scissors and craft supplies and say goodbye to the patriarchal gender normative lips of oppression between our thighs.”

Theresa Nobbins, a 23 year old post-gendered biohacker, agrees. “I don’t look at labia necklaces as fashion items or even as political statements,” says Theresa. “Instead, I view them as a spiritual act of self-creation. People are thrown into the world in bodies they don’t choose and inundated with social and cultural mores that they have no power over. Creating a necklace out of your labia is a way of reclaiming a degree of autonomy over the vast cosmic forces that shape and control you. I like to think of the labia necklaces as a stepping stone to a greater cultural acceptance for transhumanism. Each time a woman cuts off her labia and wears it around her neck, she’s helping to build a freer world, a world where we don’t have to be what society tells us to be, a world where we get to control our biology, a world where we can escape the confines of our bodies and shape them to our will. That’s a world I want to live in.”
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