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Tuesday November 6th, 2018

A foul smell lead investigators to a warehouse full of ravers early Saturday morning, resulting in the arrest of dozens of people for trespassing. The smelly ravers had gathered for an illegal dance party, and if it wasn’t for their malodorous assault on the senses, they probably would have succeeded in partying the night away. Unfortunately for them, several people walking by the warehouse noticed a rancid smell emanating from the location and called city officials to warn them about a potential toxic spill.

“The stench was terrible,” says Officer Dustin Browning. “It smelled like a mix of dog farts, cat urine and toxic waste. I wouldn’t even call it body odour, unless the body belonged to a rotting whale carcass that’s been covered in axe body spray. It was just absolutely disgusting. The worst thing I ever smelled in my life.”

The police aren’t sure why these particular ravers smelled so awful. “Ravers can be stinky, but there was something about this particular group that really took the cake,” says Officer Dustin. “It was like they had just spent a month travelling through the desert in their fun fur pants and then, after finally finding civilization, they decided to roll around in a pile of pig shit to celebrate.”

Lilly Oolala, one of the ravers who was arrested at the event, doesn’t get what all the fuss is about. “Montreal gets hot in the summer,” says Lilly. “So imagine a hundred people dancing in a poorly ventilated building in the middle of a heatwave. It’s not going to be pretty, but c’mon, don’t blow things out of proportion. It was just raver sweat, not Chernobyl.”
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