ADULTS DISMAYED AT GROWING POPULARITY OF PUBE SUITS AMONG TEENS
A recent Quintiak poll shows that a majority of adults disapprove of teenagers fascination with pube suits, costumes that have holes in the armpits and pubic area on which long flowing locks of hair are attached. Nearly 65% of adults said that pube suits were affronts to common decency and that they would never allow their children to wear one.
It’s precisely this disapproval that has made the outfits so popular, claims sociologist Solomon Bundy. “Teenagers in our society are constantly trying to make their parents obsolete,” says Solomon. “Capitalism places paces in competition with their children, and so it encourages them to find new and novel ways in which to thoroughly and utterly humiliate their parents. The pube suit is simply a response to capitalism’s incessant demands that everything become a competition. Children must differentiate themselves from their parents and prove them to be morally and ethically out of date. The more parents resist the pube suit, the more children will view it as a sign of their parents weakness, and the more they’ll popularize it. In the not too distant future, ten or so years from now, nearly everyone in public below the age of 30 will be wearing pube suits to work, to school, to the gym. That’s the future capitalism has given us. A future where people attach fake her to their armpits and pubic areas.”
Betty Gray, a 17 year old student at Saint Ruckus High School, says she loves pube suits because they help her fit in at school. “It’s not that i’m trying to make my parents obsolete, it’s just that wearing pube suits is the only way to be cool at school right now,” says Betty. “If you don’t wear one, people will make fun of you and bully you. I don’t want to be a loser. I want to be a winner. I want to be popular. That’s why I love my pube suits.”