HAS BIEBER FEVER GONE TOO FAR?
A Canadian psychologist is sounding the alarm on Bieber Fever, saying that the disease has finally gone too far. “It used to be, if you were obsessed with Justin Bieber, you’d just spend all your money buying his CDs, his clothing, or tickets to his concerts,” says Dr. Gwen Stazi, the world’s leading Bieberologist. “Today, though, women with Bieber fever have begun indulging in extremely unhealthy behaviours thanks to the internet, which allows mentally unhinged people to network with each other, creating sick communities that normalize mental illness. Fifteen years ago, super fans would engage in harmless idol worship. They’d cover their walls in posters, wear shirts of their favourite stars, collect memorabilia. But now, thanks to websites like Twitter and Tumblr, the fans are creating new ways of connecting to their idol, ways that aren’t necessarily good for their own wellbeing. Fans compete with each other over the internet, pushing each other to engage in increasingly bizarre behaviour.”
Dr. Stazi points out to one of the more alarming practices that has evolved out of the Bieber Fever fandom. “Most Bieber fans todays will ostracize you if you don’t have your very own Bieber Sex Dungeon,” says Dr. Stazi. “Your typical Bieber Sex Dungeon is a sparsely furnished white room covered in Bieber posters. The room usually has a mattress on the floor and on that mattress will be a well hung Justin Bieber sex doll. Fans expect you to build a room like this, then photograph yourself in the room giving head to your plastic life sized Bieber doll. If you don’t do this, they won’t accept as you as one of them.”
Dozens of young women have committed suicide after being excommunicated from the Belieber legions. “If your Bieber Sex Dungeon doesn’t earn the approval of other Beliebers, they’ll turn on you with a viciousness that would terrify even the most dangerous biker gang member,” says Dr. Stazi. “They’ll call up your work and try to get you fired. They’ll stalk you outside your house and pelt you with rocks. Being a Belieber requires an unhealthy amount of emotional dedication. It’s like a cult, and when the cult banishes you, it’s easy to feel as if your life is unmoored and meaningless. That’s why Bieber Fever is so dangerous. It’s okay to love his music, but you know, if you feel like you need to build a sex dungeon dedicated to him, you might want to ask yourself if you’re living a healthy, wholesome life.”