Index - About Us Register - Login
Article Listings
Newest Articles
All Articles
Monthly View
2019 April
2019 February
2019 January
2018 December
2018 November
2018 September
2018 August
2018 July
2018 June
2018 May
2017 October
2017 September
2017 August
2017 July
2017 January
2016 May
2016 April
2016 March
2016 February
2016 January
2015 December
2015 November
2015 October
2015 September
2015 August
2015 July
2015 June
2015 May
2015 April
2015 March
2015 January
2014 September
2014 August
2014 July
2014 June
2014 May
2014 April
2013 November
2013 October
2013 June
2013 May
2013 April
2013 March
2013 February
2013 January
2012 November
2012 October
2012 September
2012 August
2012 June
2011 December
2011 November
2011 August
2011 July
2010 December
2010 November
2010 October
Like Us!
Thursday October 29th, 2015

Dozens of ravers drowned in a tragic boat accident over the weekend after they hit an iceberg off the coast of Newfoundland. The ravers, who had rented the boat to throw a school party, had next to no nautical experience. The only survivor, 22 year old television junkie Josh Wiggums, credits his love of the 1980s hit TV show Macgyver with saving his life.

“Once the boat started sinking, I knew it was do-or-die time,” says Josh. “I asked myself, ‘what would MacGyver do in a situation like this?’ That’s when I noticed that the fattest kid on the boat had been killed after a turn table fell on his neck. I swam over to his pudgy body and used the remains of the turn table to transform his dead body into a serviceable raft."

Engineers are in awe of his ingenuity. “I think it’s excellent that this young man was able to transform a fat kid into something useful,” says Georgio Gionni, president of Engineering A Thinner World, a foundation dedicated to tackling obesity using science. “We’ve decided to offer young Mr. Wiggums a scholarship in order to honour his quick thinking. In the event of a tragedy, everyone should always ask themselves ‘Is there a fat person here we can use as raw materials for a life saving invention?’”

Josh agrees. “I think fat people were put on earth for a reason, and that’s to help skinny people survive horrifying tragedies. I’m grateful that i shared that boat for a fat kid, whose buoyancy helped me survive the harsh atlantic ocean. Blubber, combined with good old fashion Macgyverisms, saved my life. I’ll never forget that."
Contact Us | Copyright (c) 2024 Rave News