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Friday October 30th, 2015

Montreal’s student population is raving over the hipster human centipede show that’s currently taking place at the Jmemcriss Desanglosgauchiste Salon. The controversial show features a painter staring at a blank canvas while he’s surrounded by a chain of asshole licking effete weirdos. The scene itself was inspired by the horror movie The Human Centipede, says Joseph Goebbel, the salon’s proprietor as well as the man responsible for the show.

“Nothing captures the spirit of today’s world better than a room full of gullible idiots sacrificing their self-respect in the name of art,” says Joseph. “We now live in a society where a bunch of university graduates thought re-enacting scenes from the horror movie The Human Centipede in real life was a good idea. Those idiots you see licking each other’s butts? Yeah, that’s what a liberal art degree gets you: the chance to humiliate yourself in front of strangers.”

Most students don’t see it that way, though. “I’m studying liberal arts at Concordia because I want to challenge working class standards of dignity,” says Lucy Lawful. “Even though Mr. Goebbel’s intention is to mock people like me, I think he’s actually doing his own cause a disservice. The fact is, so long as you get a liberal arts degree, nothing you do can be undignified, and that includes re-enacting scenes from The Human Centipede. The only thing that can possibly be undignified in our society is being a member of the working class. You went to trade school and became a plumber? Well, you’re far more disgusting than a room full of strangers licking each other’s assholes for art. That’s something I learned at Concordia, and I think it’s the truth.”

Joseph says he doesn't care what the students think. "I'm done with this world. It's full of idiots and imbeciles, and I can't handle it anymore. I'm going to wrap up the art show by setting myself on fire in front of a live audience. I'm done dealing with all you degenerate freaks."
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