Index - About Us Register - Login
Article Listings
Newest Articles
All Articles
Monthly View
2017 October
2017 September
2017 August
2017 July
2017 January
2016 May
2016 April
2016 March
2016 February
2016 January
2015 December
2015 November
2015 October
2015 September
2015 August
2015 July
2015 June
2015 May
2015 April
2015 March
2015 January
2014 September
2014 August
2014 July
2014 June
2014 May
2014 April
2013 November
2013 October
2013 June
2013 May
2013 April
2013 March
2013 February
2013 January
2012 November
2012 October
2012 September
2012 August
2012 June
2011 December
2011 November
2011 August
2011 July
2010 December
2010 November
2010 October
Like Us!
Thursday October 15th, 2015

Scientists at the Montreal Institute For Aural Phallus Dynamics have finally solved one of the EDM scene’s long standing mysteries: the secret behind why techno lovers are so well endowed. “People have long been baffled by how big the penises are of men who listen to techno,” says lead researcher Jasper Cummings. “Techno enthusiasts have an average penile length of eight inches, a full two inches longer than the average man. That raised a question — does listening to techno give you a big penis, or does having a big penis make you more likely to listen to techno?"

Afters studying the issue for nearly a decade, Jasper’s team of penis specialists have finally solved the mystery. “Our research confirms that listening to techno increases penile growth during puberty,” says Jasper. “The effect disappears once men reach adult hood. Techno’s generative qualities only exist during a brief window of time, but the young men who take advantage of it will benefit for a lifetime."

Techno loving teenage males can expect penile gains of one to five inches. “In our study, every single man who listened to techno as a teenager had a penis over 7 inches long,” says Jasper. “Techno music is the only scientifically proven way to enhance penile length."

Older men who never listened to EDM as teenagers might one day benefit from techno penis therapy, says Jasper. “Now that we’ve identified the penile enhancing properties of techno music, we believe it’ll be possible to harness its miraculous penis powers to help men who struggle with the indignity of having tiny peckers. Techno music will help us create a world where any man can have throbbingly large love rod."

Jasper believes techno might also be able to help flat chested women as well as those who have incredibly loose vaginas. “Techno music is a multi-purpose sex aid,” says Jasper. “Whether you’re dealing with having an itty bitty penis or a cavernous vagina, techno can help."
Contact Us | Copyright (c) 2018 Rave News