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Friday October 16th, 2015

A source close to the Kremlin has presented Ravenews with incontrovertible proof that Vladmir Putin is funding psytrance parties across America in hopes over overthrowing the U.S government. The source refuses to be named, fearing that their revelations might lead to their assassination.

“The truth is out there,” says the anonymous leaker. “Psytrance was the result of Project Hippie Virus, a program created by the KGB with the intention of demoralizing the people of America. It is an insidious musical genre scientifically designed to cause moral degeneracy and mental retardation. It’s deleterious effects on social well being are off the scale."

The USSR collapsed before the KGB could infect America with psytrance music, but that didn’t spare the states from the wrath of angry rogue agents, who took matters into their own hands. “These KGB agents realized that the USSR was over, but they weren’t going to sit back and let America win. They decided to launch Project Hippie Virus on their own. They stuffed their suitcases full of weaponized psytrance CDs, blue jeans, and coca cola, then traveled to America, where they began organizing raves."

American culture has seen a precipitous decline since the ex-KGB agents launched Project Hippie Virus. “Today, your average American teenager believes that marriage is only beautiful if it’s between gay people, that white people are inherently evil and need to be murdered, that western civilization is terrible and needs to be erased from the face of the planet, and that woman are just as capable as men are of being soldiers. This is all the result of psytrance."

Rave promoters are loath to admit that they might have been useful idiots of the KGB. “Okay, let’s imagine that psytrance really was invented by Russia to destroy the United States: is that so bad?” asks 21 year old raver and Concordia student Ludger Fox. “America sucks. White people suck. Straight people suck. Men suck. If psytrance was designed to kill them, than I think we need to listen to more psytrance. Fuck Western Civilization, long live psytrance!"
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