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Like Us!
Tuesday June 9th, 2015
BIONIC RAVERS TERRIFY HUMAN PARTY GOERS
FEATURED ARTICLE



A new trend is unsettling party goers across the island of Montreal, and party promoter Bayle Xenon says people are going to have to get used to it. “Yes, we are seeing the first bionic ravers enter the party scene,” says Bayle. “People are now resorting to weird, technological bioimplants to improve their raving experience. They’re literally turning themselves into party machines."

The Bionic Raver movement is still young, but it’s impact is quickly being felt. “Last time I went to a party, I saw a woman who’s skin glowed in the dark,” says 23 year old raver Patricia Arquette. “She had implanted some kind of protein that made skin look radioactive when the lights are turned off. She was a mutant. Who messes with their body like that?"

Glow in the dark ravers are just the beginning. Soon, we can expect ravers with all sorts of artificial limbs and powers. “I know a mad inventor in California who's working on a crazy bionic implant,” says Bayle. “It measures your adrenaline levels and whenever your energy starts to sag, it injects a smart drug called modafinil directly into your blood. Soldiers use that to stay up for days during critical missions where sleeping might get you killed. Soon people will use robotic modafinil delivery systems to be non stop dancing machines who can party for days and days without having to sleep."

That’s not the only bionic implant. “I saw another raver at a party who had a camera grafted to the back of her head,” says Patricia. “It was wired to her occipital cortex and gave her 360 degree vision. She could see things from the back of her hair. She said she got it so that she could experience new ways of dancing."

Bionic freaks will become increasingly common at Montreal parties, and many ravers don’t know how they feel about it. “We’re going to replaced by cyborgs,” says Bayle. “Soon there will be parties that you can only attend if your body has been upgraded with robotic enhancements. We’re ravers 1.0 and we’re becoming obsolete."
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