Spain’s DJ Blutek had to cancel his show at Club Wetropole Thursday evening after he realized he had left all his CDs back in Barcelona. “I was in such a rush to catch my flight to Montreal that I completely forgot to bring my music with me,” says Blutek. “I feel like a total idiot. Not only that that, but now I have to pay back the promoter for my ticket over here. I disappointed my fans, I humiliated myself in public, and I’ve besmirched the good name of the DJ profession. I am a bad person and I deserve to feel bad.”

Blutek isn’t the first DJ that has had to cancel shows after forgetting all their CDs at home. “Most DJs suffer from severe mental retardation,” says musicologist Todd Burkenstire. “It’s not unusual for them to forget things that healthy well adjusted adults would easily remember. MRI scans reveal that DJs have, on average, brains the size of squirrels. It’s not their fault that they’re so stupid. We shouldn’t blame DJs for doing the kind of things DJs are prone to do. The real culprit for Thursday's cancelled show is the promoter who didn’t hire any handlers to ensure that the DJs didn’t do anything stupid on their way to Montreal.”

Harold Gunther, Club Wetropole’s owner, says he accepts full responsibility for what happened. “It’s true, I tried to save a few dollars by not hiring a handler for Blutek,” says Harold. “I let my greed cloud my vision. I should know better than to trust DJs to behave like responsible adults. I should have hired a babysitter to hold Blutek’s hand during his travels. I apologize to all the ravers who were looking forward to Blutek’s set. Their tickets to Thursday's event will be fully reimbursed.”