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Thursday August 28th, 2014

Dozens of Universities across Canada are getting ready to expand their course offerings to include degrees in twerking, grinding, and liquid dancing. “It’s time for us to modernize Universities so that they better reflect the interests and skill set of the current generation,” says Basil Grompet, president of the Council for Real Attainment and Productivity, a think tank that plays an instrumental role shaping educational policies in Canada. “In 2015, twenty six Universities across Canada will begin offering degrees in Appropriative Urban Dance. It’s a bold, aggressive move that will keep our country at the cutting edge of human potential.”

Research shows that twerking, grinding, and liquid dancing are growth industries. “According to our projections, these three art forms will soon rival the computer sciences in terms of profitability and social importance,” says Basil. "It’s not an exaggeration to say that they’ll soon become the very heart of our economy. In the next ten years, five out of eight jobs will involve some level of twerking, grinding, and liquid dancing. Students who don’t master these three crucial art forms will be at a real disadvantage in the years ahead.”

Not everyone is as bullish about the future of these dance forms. “I just don’t see how tweaking, grinding, and liquid dancing could ever become integral to the economy,” says high school student Bernie Higgins, “but if important, highly educated people are telling me that I need to get a degree in Appropriative Urban Dance in order to succeed in life, then I guess maybe I should listen to them.”

Basil believes everyone should follow Bernie’s example. “Fifteen years ago, we told countless people that the key to economic success was to fall into a pile of debt while pursuing a liberal arts degree. We were right then, and we’re right now. If you want to live the high life, you need to learn to twerk, grind, and liquid dance.”
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