Index - About Us Register - Login
Article Listings
Newest Articles
All Articles
Monthly View
2019 April
2019 February
2019 January
2018 December
2018 November
2018 September
2018 August
2018 July
2018 June
2018 May
2017 October
2017 September
2017 August
2017 July
2017 January
2016 May
2016 April
2016 March
2016 February
2016 January
2015 December
2015 November
2015 October
2015 September
2015 August
2015 July
2015 June
2015 May
2015 April
2015 March
2015 January
2014 September
2014 August
2014 July
2014 June
2014 May
2014 April
2013 November
2013 October
2013 June
2013 May
2013 April
2013 March
2013 February
2013 January
2012 November
2012 October
2012 September
2012 August
2012 June
2011 December
2011 November
2011 August
2011 July
2010 December
2010 November
2010 October
Like Us!
Wednesday August 27th, 2014

The small Eurasian country of Wakandistan successfully passed a law last week that makes raving punishable by death. “Raving is nothing more than western decadence,” says Wakandistani M.P Brüt Legøme. “It’s a sign of moral impurity. By tolerating raving, the people of Wakandistan open themselves up to spiritual decay, and so we say, it is better to kill a raver, than to risk sending the souls of our people to the fiery pits of eternal hell.”

Wakandistan, like Abkhazia and South Ossetia, is a breakaway republic that lacks international recognition. “The only people that recognize Wakandistan are Russia and a few of its key allies,” says European historian Bàlzac Zwetty. “This law banning raves is just a bit of sabre rattling inspired by current geopolitics. It’s a way of letting the world know that Wakandistan stands with Russia against Western imperialism.”

The sentiment throughout Eurasia has become increasingly divisive, as more and more of its inhabitants turn against the west. “The war on raving is just a symptom of a greater conflict,” says Bàlzac. “I doubt any ravers are actually going to be stoned to death, no matter what the laws say. This is just for show.”

Brüt Legøme denies that this law is just a matter of theatrics. “No, we will definitely kill anyone we catch raving within our borders,” says Brüt. “That’s not all, our bill also criminalizes all EDM music. Anyone who is caught listening to techno and any if its musical relatives will face corporal punishment. Twenty lashes for psystrance, forty for dubstep, sixty for electro. It’s important for Wakandistan to set firm boundaries vis-a-vis western cultural imperialism. We will not tolerate the decadent electronic music of the great satanic occident. Wakandistan is a pure and noble country, and we shall remain pure.”

Bàlzac remains unconvinced. “I still thinks it’s all for show. Brüt himself used to be a techno DJ. The entire Wakandistan parliament throws EDM parties every Saturday. They say they’re going to kill ravers, but what they really mean is that they’re going to kill ravers who are politically opponents to the Wakandistan regime. If you’re pro-Wakandistan, you can listen to all the techno you want, and no one will touch a single hair on your body.”
Contact Us | Copyright (c) 2024 Rave News