THE TURD AVENGER
Another week, another break-up story. This time, scissors and bleach won't make an appearance, but dog shit will. Lots of it.
A slightly loopy raver was so torn up after hitting splitsville with the love of her life that she concocted a very messy plan for revenge. This angry angel of doom spent a glorious morning in a Westmount dog park picking up as much crap as she could. By the time she was done collecting turds, she had eight pounds of the brown stuff piled into several plastic white bags. Our avenging raver then got on a bus, poo in hand, and traveled over to her ex-boyfriend's house.
After arriving at her destination, she proceeded to cover as much of his house with the stuff as possible. She proved herself to be a master of the fecal arts. Her work was both thorough and meticulous. She knew how to smear shit, how to place it, and how to throw it. Windows, door knobs, walls -- you couldn't move more than a few inches without finding turds.
Like any true artist, she signed her work. Left a lovely little note on her ex's door, and told him he was such a shit-head that she thought he'd appreciate living in the stuff. He was not amused, and it apparently took him quite a bit of time to clean the place up.
You know what they say... Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.