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Saturday January 19th, 2019

Police officers found Jan Poulet, a twenty year old University student, sobbing uncontrollably in her lederhosen on the corner of St-Catherine and Sherbrooke. The officers knew something was amiss because it’s rare to find lederhosen clad bawling their eyes out on the streets of Montreal. “This isn’t Berlin, so we knew this something unusual was going on” says Sgt. Gaul Ibel. “Our victim was crying rivers of tears, wailing so loudly you could hear her two blocks away. When she finally calmed down, she told us what had happened. She had just escaped from a dungeon full of yodelling slaves.”

The sordid details shocked the officers. Rave promoter Jan Poulet had seduced dozens of men and women into becoming his Oktoberfest playthings. He groomed his victims until they trusted him, and then invited them over to an underground lair he kept beneath St-Catherine street. Once they arrived at his secret hideout, he trapped them in cages and force them to yodel for him.

“Jan Poulet’s lair was hidden in a long abandoned sewer tunnel,” says Sgt. Ibel. “He had discovered it years ago while organizing underground raves. After finding this particular tunnel, he decided that it was better suited for his Oktoberfest themed sex dungeon than it was for raves.”

Poulet was busy furiously masturbating when the police barged into his dungeon, liberating dozens of naked yodellers. “We’re thrilled that we were able to save so many lives from this yodelling obsessed menace, but there are still a lot of questions that need to be answered,” says Sgt. Ibel. “We need to know why Mr. Poulet started his yodel dungeon. Was he acting alone? Is there perhaps a cabal of rave promoters enslaving men and women to turn them into yodel whores? We don’t know yet, and that should worry everyone in Montreal.”
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