PARTY GOERS REFUSE TO VACATE BURNING CLUB
Dozens of people died Friday night after they refused to vacate St-Henri’s Club YOLO after it caught fire. “The fire alarm was blaring and the water sprinklers were doing their job, but it wasn’t enough to convince people to leave,” says club owner Patrice Lamatriss. “I tried pulling them out of the building, but they refused to listen to me. They just told me that fires weren’t a big deal. They wanted to dance and they were going to dance."
Firemen have said that they’re not surprised. “Young people aren’t smart,” says 54 year old Wallace Polis. “They’ve always been dumb, but this generation is even worse than the last one. They think they’re invulnerable, like they can survive a burning building. Something has gone incredibly wrong with our society. When you’re in a burning building, you’re supposed to evacuate, not dance your ass off."
Many teenagers disagrees. “Look, we’re all going to die sooner or later,” says 19 year old Trevor Bever. “Either we’re going to die of old age, or we’ll die of cancer, or we’ll die after being gang-raped and murdered by Syrian refugees, or we’ll die while dancing to shitty music in a shitty club. Does it really matter? No, it doesn’t. We’re all going to die and how we die is irrelevant. How we live is irrelevant. Everything is irrelevant."
Philosopher Ashley Passiliy agrees. “In the end, refusing to vacate a burning building isn’t any less rational than vacating it,” says Ashley. “The only thing that makes one choice rational or irrational is our frame of reference, but our references are arbitrary. Culture is constructed. Values are constructed. Everything is constructed. And if everything is constructed, than evacuating a burning building and dancing in it until you die are both equally valid decisions. Neither is more rational than the other. Both are equally correct. Life is inherently meaningless."
Patrice isn’t sure how he feels about that assessment. “I think I would have far fewer nightmares if those party kids would have just followed me out of the club,” says Patrice. “Now, whenever i go to bed, all I can hear is their screams. Their horrible, horrible screams."