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Tuesday March 17th, 2015

Montreal’s Bar L'Égalité La-La has come under fire for it’s decision to impose a surcharge on white men who buy drinks at the establishment.

“Since all white men under all circumstances are inherently more privileged than everyone else, everywhere, forever, we decided it was time to fight back against the monolithic, omnipresent, and immutable benefits that they receive over the rest of the world,” says bar owner Doug Bing.

Doug’s move has outraged civil libertarians across Canada while drawing warm reviews from Tumblr and Twitter users, who are quickly becoming the voice of policy for left-wing political parties.

Some critics find the move confusing, considering that Doug is a white male. “When I attack white men, what i’m really doing is attacking white men who are lower class,” says Doug. “Have you noticed how popular it is for wealthy white liberals to piss all over other white men? That’s because we’re not actually criticizing white men — we just use white as a code word for ‘white & poor’. We really just hate white men who aren’t as well off or as educated as we are, and we’ll be damned if we let them better their lot in life. We're pitting poor whites against poor minorities, that way no one can ever challenge us."

Civil libertarian Barry Oaks finds Doug’s honesty refreshing. “Doug’s intention isn’t to draw light on the injustice of systemic privilege,” says Barry “ It’s about creating a space that only attracts rich white men who aren’t price sensitive, the kind of men who have so much money it doesn’t matter what the beer costs. In a way, Doug should be commended for his honesty, because he’s one of the few progressives who admits that he only fights racism in ways that protect his class privilege, which is to say, he doesn’t fight racism at all, he uses it opportunistically for his own benefit. Some day, people will realize that the vast majority of University educated anti-racist whites are often more interested in keeping down the people directly beneath them than they are in raising minorities up. Their anti-racism is entirely contingent on maintaining their class privilege. "

Doug says he doesn’t mind being open about his intentions. “Eh, there’s no point hiding the truth anymore. Earnest anti-racism has now given way to ironic anti-racism. So anyways, if you’re a rich white guy, come over to Bar L'Égalité La-La, you’ll pay a little bit more for the privilege of sticking it to the poor! And that’s worth something, right there."
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