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CONSERVATIVES LAUD SAUDI EXECUTION OF DJ
Bernard Hardy, the MP for British Columbia's Kitsilano riding, faces growing calls to resign after making controversial remarks to supporters at a recent fundraiser, where he lauded the Saudi execution of Donald Rosling, a 28 year old Canadian DJ.
Mr. Rosling was on tour in the Middle Eastern kingdom when religious police arrested him for blasphemy, claiming that techno music is an insult to god, a sentiment that Mr. Hardy shares. “I’m not saying that governments should murder DJs,” Mr. Hardy told Ravenews, “but if they did, the world would be a much better place."
This sentiment is popular among conservatives, who claim that DJs pose a threat to Canada’s moral fibre. “As far as music genres go, EDM is to culture what serial killers are to peace and harmony,” says Mr. Hardy. “Tolerating DJs is the same thing as tolerating the absolute and utter destruction of Canada."
Mr. Hardy denies that such a point of view is at all extreme. “We have to face the facts, if we don’t kill DJs, DJs will kill Canada. That's a perfectly moderate point of view.”
This kind of rhetoric has many EDM fans up in arms. “I don’t feel safe in Canada anymore,” says DJ Fozzniak. “Every time I look out the window, I can see a conservative hiding in the bushes, looking at me with his binoculars. He’s just biding his time before he stabs me in the face."
Liana Louis, an 18 year old nu-disco DJ, shares his dread. “Conservatives are really scary,” says Liana. “Last night, I saw a conservative bite the head off a chicken while hitting a homeless man with a copy of the bible. You can’t trust people like that. How long before the conservatives starting rounding us up in camps, killing us by the thousands, and using our intestines to make soup?"
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