Index - About Us Register - Login
Article Listings
Newest Articles
All Articles
Monthly View
2017 October
2017 September
2017 August
2017 July
2017 January
2016 May
2016 April
2016 March
2016 February
2016 January
2015 December
2015 November
2015 October
2015 September
2015 August
2015 July
2015 June
2015 May
2015 April
2015 March
2015 January
2014 September
2014 August
2014 July
2014 June
2014 May
2014 April
2013 November
2013 October
2013 June
2013 May
2013 April
2013 March
2013 February
2013 January
2012 November
2012 October
2012 September
2012 August
2012 June
2011 December
2011 November
2011 August
2011 July
2010 December
2010 November
2010 October
Like Us!
Monday July 13th, 2015

The Montreal police are warning ravers to be careful when they go out, after learning about a new gang that’s terrorizing the city’s night life. “They call themselves the Toothfairies,” says Sgt. Bruce Morgan of the SPVM. “They wander the streets of Montreal, looking for party goers to assault. Once they find a victim, they steal all their teeth by using brutally violent extraction methods. We won’t go into details, but suffice it to say, it’s not pretty, but it’s effective. If you get targeted by the tooth fairies, you’ll need dentures."

So far, police say over a dozen ravers have been rendered toothless by members of the gang. “We’ve heard rumours that street gangs are starting to use raver teeth as a new form of currency,” says Sgt. Morgan. “It’s like a more sociopathic version of bitcoin, but instead of mining coins with computers, they’re mining teeth by punching ravers in the face and than pulling out their pearly whites."

Police say that the teeth are then traded for drugs, guns, and sexual favours. “As more and more people start trading goods and services in exchange for raver teeth, going out at night to party and dance will become increasingly dangerous,” says Sgt. Morgan. “We hope that the presence of this new threat will help ravers re-evaluate their lifestyle choices. Perhaps instead of dancing at all night parties, they should consider studying for school, or working on a new business, or reading books about tax accounting. All of those activities are safe and don’t put people at risk of having all their teeth removed by roving gangs of brigands."

Ravers, for their part, say that they’re undeterred. “Even if violent gangs do steal all our teeth, that won’t stop us from dancing” says Greg Butterfeld, a 23 year old raver from Montreal Nord. “Raving is life, dancing is life, music is life. Teeth? They’re a luxury. And besides, toothless people give way better blow jobs. In some ways, the tooth fairies are actually doing ravers a favour."
Contact Us | Copyright (c) 2018 Rave News