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Thursday June 12th, 2014

1. Whistles

Stephen Rogers was the first party promoter to sell whistles at his raves. “It was the summer of 1992, I was high on acid and for some crazy reason I thought it’d be fun if people could whistle along with the songs at my party,” says Stephen. “In hindsight, it was a bad idea.”

Stephen has been on the receiving end of countless death threats thanks to his innovation. “Whenever people learn that I was the first guy to sell whistles at raves, they… get pretty mad at me,” says Stephen. “I get physically attacked at least once a month. I don't blame my attackers, though. I was the father of one of the worst raver fads ever. Whistles ruin parties. They ruin DJ sets. They've certainly ruined my life.”

2. Fun Fur Pants

Todd O'toole, an Ulster area puppet maker, invented fun fur pants in 1996. When Todd wasn't busy creating cuddly critters for kid-friendly television shows, he was busy crafting colourful furry outfits for his friends.

“At one point, it was impossible to go to a party in Ireland without feeling like you were dancing with the entire cast of Sesame Street,” says Todd. “Fun fur pants proved so popular, that I started selling them to customers around the world. People were buying them from Amsterdam to Zimbabwe. There was a moment during the late nineties when fun fur pants were ubiquitous at raves.”

The trend eventually spun out of control as ravers started savagely beating party goers who didn't wear the colourful pants. “People have a way of taking things too far,” says Todd. “I created fun fur pants because I thought they were playful, and raving should be about enjoying yourself. Instead, my creations became associated with gang warfare.”

Once violence became synonymous with fun fur pants, party promoters started banning them at their events, which lead to a decline in their popularity.

3. Phat Pants

Ravers who were assaulted by violent fun fur fanatics didn't take it lying down. “A bunch of us got organized,” says fashion designer Miles Delano. “We decided to fight back. We designed phat pants so that we could easily hide weapons to use against fun fur wearers.” Phat pants are uncommon at parties these days, but back in 2001, they were an essential part of a ravers wardrobe. “It was the only way to stay safe. The first pair of phat pants I designed were made to hide machete blades,” says Miles. “You could store four of them. Those pants saved my life. Eventually, though, other designs came out.”

The most popular brand of phat pants were designed to hide AK-47s. “I remember going to a rave, and suddenly bullets started flying out of this guy’s pants,” says Miles. “I think dancing with an AK-47 strapped to your leg was never really a safe or smart idea, but that’s how on edge we were. Those fun fur ravers were dangerous.”

4. Fire Jugglers

The only thing more obnoxious than whistling at raves is juggling fire in crowded spaces. “At least five hundred ravers die every year because of fire juggling accidents,” says Dr. Benoit Grimm. “Just last week, we treated a dubstep DJ for third degree burns after a fire artist accidentally set him on fire during one of his sets.”

Many ravers refer to caucasian fire jugglers as poi artists, though that’s not accurate. “Poi is a traditional art of the Māori people of New Zealand,” says sociologist Mason Firth. “And ravers have appropriated Māori culture for their own ends without even thinking about how disrespectful they’re being to a people that has been so thoroughly brutalized by western imperialism. It’s obnoxious.”

5. Candy Bracelets

Ravers love colourful plastic bracelets. “No one knows for sure who the first candy bracelet wearing raver was,” say urban historian Mike Alicarn, “but we do know that they changed the face of raving forever.” For over twenty five years, ravers have adorned their arms with these plastic monstrosities.

“Some ravers wear so many candy bracelets, they can barely dance,” says Mike. “It’s not as bad as it used to be, though. There are countless stories of ravers who’ve injured themselves because of how many bracelets they were wearing. Dancing with dozens of candy bracelets is a bit like dancing with a barbel. It’s dangerous.”
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