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Thursday May 22nd, 2014

The last five years have seen a surge in the number of people who choose to piss their pants at parties, according to a new survey published by the Institute for Obscure Facts. “The last time we asked this question was in a survey we released in 2007,” says lead researcher Matt Bowels. “Back then, only 5% of respondents admitted to having pissed themselves at an event. Now the number is 20%.”

If the numbers are to be believed, one out of five party-goers has at some point in the last five years, pissed their pants while at a party. “We don’t know why so many people are pissing themselves, but we have a few theories,” says Mr. Bowels. “We believe that the 2008 recession initiated a cultural shift in the way people experience the present moment. People are much less willing to sacrifice the pleasures of the present moment since they no longer have faith in the future. They’re holding on to their urine in order to hold on to the moment. In 2007, going to the washroom wasn’t a big deal, but in 2014, it might mean missing out on the best part of your favourite DJs set. It might mean that you never meet the girl of your dream who was just about to bump into you on the dance floor. People think that pissing just isn’t worth the cost of lost opportunities. That’s why, we believe, people are deciding to hold it in.”

The fact that people are increasingly refusing to go to the washroom hasn’t been lost on party promoters. “We’ve started selling adult diapers at our parties,” says event organizer Rouge Piper. “We make more money selling ravers diapers than drug dealers make selling them cocaine. In 1999, ravers loved pacifiers. These days, they love diapers. You’re not getting the full rave experience unless you’re wearing one.”
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