Index - About Us Register - Login
Article Listings
Newest Articles
All Articles
Monthly View
2019 April
2019 February
2019 January
2018 December
2018 November
2018 September
2018 August
2018 July
2018 June
2018 May
2017 October
2017 September
2017 August
2017 July
2017 January
2016 May
2016 April
2016 March
2016 February
2016 January
2015 December
2015 November
2015 October
2015 September
2015 August
2015 July
2015 June
2015 May
2015 April
2015 March
2015 January
2014 September
2014 August
2014 July
2014 June
2014 May
2014 April
2013 November
2013 October
2013 June
2013 May
2013 April
2013 March
2013 February
2013 January
2012 November
2012 October
2012 September
2012 August
2012 June
2011 December
2011 November
2011 August
2011 July
2010 December
2010 November
2010 October
Like Us!
Friday September 28th, 2012

"Smartphones are the new glowsticks," says sociologist Helen LaFemme. "I've been tracking both the sale and popularity of glowsticks for the last decade. Once smartphones took off, glowstick sales plummeted," says Helen. "It's getting to the point where most people at parties are shunned if they wave glowsticks around instead of their smartphones."

Antoine Legault, a salesman for Glowsticks Emporium, tells Rave News that business has fallen. "The last few years have been horrible," says Antoine. "Apple and Google have eaten our lunch. In the past, we could count on blitzed out party goers to buy our glowsticks, but not anymore. We've had to diversify our product line in order to stay in business."

Glowsticks Emporium stays afloat these days by selling a variety of glow in the dark sex toys. "Condoms, anal beads, vibrators, dildos, whatever. It's crass, but it brings in the dollars, unlike glowsticks."

Rave diva Jen Dartagnon is a recent smartphone convert. "I used to be all about the glowsticks, but then my friends started snickering behind my back whenever I'd wave one around. I wanted to be cool like them, so I got an iPhone, which I love to wave in the air once the bass starts thumping."

Todd White, a spokesperson for Apple, says it's about time glowsticks died out. "Years ago, when our company was in financial turmoil, Steve Jobs wracked his brain trying to figure out how to bring us back to profitability," says Todd. "He realized that Apple's future could be saved if we came up with a more expensive alternative to glowsticks. It took many years to accomplish Steve's vision, but his day has finally come. The glowstick is dying. Long live the smartphone."

These days, you can't go to a show without noticing a sea of phones in the air. It's a brave new world, a world that some rave veterans find terrifying. "First they got rid of the pacifiers, now they're getting rid of glowsticks," says 40 year old booty house enthusiast Bob Roberts. "What's next? Are they going to stop playing happy hardcore? The future scares me."
Contact Us | Copyright (c) 2024 Rave News