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Tuesday December 14th, 2010
Previous: SPEED FREAK
Next: SLUDGE BUZZ
THE IMMORTAL RAVER



He's only thirty years old but he acts like he's just two steps away from being sent to a retirement home. Everywhere he looks, he sees the specter of old age stalking him with a wooden cane and a Matlock DVD. When he sees his reflection in a mirror, the first thing he does is check for grey hairs and new wrinkles. His fear of the golden years has turned him into an obsessive health freak. He desperately wants to stay forever young, and for the last nine months, he's invested all his time and money into finding the elixir of youth.

His body was the first battleground in his war against aging. He used to be a flabby ass raver who could barely dance for more than a couple of minutes before running out of breath and having to sit back down. That's changed. He took the Body For Life challenge early this spring, and since then he's lost over forty pounds of fat while packing on some serious muscle mass. The Body For Life challenge is a workout and diet regimen that aims to radically alter a person's physique, and it apparently works judging by his personal transformation. He credits his flab to fit metamorphosis to lifting weights three times a week, eating six smaller portioned meals every day instead of he usual three large meals most folks eat, and to supplementing his diet with whey protein, creatine, and a variety of natural herbs and vitamins, all habits he picked up during the challenge.

However, getting fit is only one part of his overall war against aging. He started noticing that as he got older, time felt like it was moving faster. This realization prompted him to start studying the psychology of time. His research eventually brought a few studies to his attention that showed that, as people get older, routine begins to dominate their lives. Routine has a way of shutting parts of the brain down and making behavior automatic. The less people have to think about things, the less grounded they are in the present, the easier it is for time to slip past them unnoticed. The studies show that people who live varied lives, lives full of new experiences that force them to adapt, are much less likely to feel as if time is fast.

Novelty forces people to focus on the present, while routine draws their attention away from the present. Noticed how slow time seems to move when you're looking at a clock? New experiences are like staring at the most awesome clock ever. Time slows down without it sucking balls. When our pro-youth raver found that out, he immediately started making his life more random. He introduces himself to the unexpected and the exotic on a daily basis. Over the last month, for example, he's helped out at a Unitarian church fundraiser, he crashed a Sikh wedding, he went out drinking with a bunch of homeless people he met in a soup kitchen, he took a free Fox Trot dance class, he attended the Opera, and he saw Rammstein. That's just for starters. Every day, he does something a little bit different or outrageous. He's constantly experimenting with his surroundings, trying new things, asking new questions, and introducing himself to complete strangers. He wants variety. Craves it.

Getting fit and living a full and varied life have absolutely transformed him, but this transformation hasn't helped assuage his fears of turning grey. That's why this raver is busy at work trying to start The Montreal Transhumanist League. He's serious about living forever, and he wants to find as many like minded people as he can and help fund the kind of scientific research that might make his dream of immortality a reality.

For now, the Montreal Transhumanist League is a small affair, and only has a handful of members, but it's raving founder has big plans for it. He'll be throwing a party fundraiser in the summer, and is already in talks with several life-extension researchers about funding their work. And his ambitions don't stop there. He's got a thousand plans up his sleeves.

Who knows? Maybe he'll get his way. Maybe a Montreal raver will prove instrumental to finding a cure for aging. Immortality might be just one party away.
Previous: SPEED FREAK
Next: SLUDGE BUZZ
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