PARENTS ARE HIRING RAVE MENTORS TO TEACH THEIR KIDS HOW TO PARTY
Helicopter parents are hiring professional ravers to tutor their children in the art of partying. These so-called “rave mentors” are part of a burgeoning industry that aims to alleviate EDM induced parental anxiety. Over 5,000 party mentors have already registered with Ravetutors, a new Silicon Valley company that aims to make raving safe, sane, and consensual for generation Z.
“Middle aged ex-ravers want their children to experience the best of raving while avoiding the many pitfalls associated with it,” says Ravetutors founder Chad Bullsworth. “They don’t want their kids buying fake drugs, or making out with creepy old men, or dancing to happy hardcore. Ravetutors ensures that teenagers that are new to raving will escape bad experiences and only encounter positive, life enhancing EDM adventures. Teenagers in the care of our professional rave tutors will only take the best drugs available at a party, make out with only the hottest ravers in attendance, and they will never dance to happy hardcore. We guarantee it or your money back.”
53 year old architect Rufus Ruphaldo is a huge fan of Ravetutors. “I first signed up with them right before my daughter’s sixteenth birthday,” says Rufus. “The tutors I hired ensured that her first raving experience was problem free. She didn’t get hit on by anyone over 35, the drugs she took were high quality, and she wasn’t exposed to a single happy hardcore DJ set. I couldn’t be happier with the outcome!”
Young ravers are thrilled to receive mentoring, but older party promoters are worried that Ravetutors and services like it will sanitize the party scene. “Raving is supposed to be a little dangerous,” says promoter Hugh Jenutts. “These rave instructors are turning our scene into a University classroom. That’s kind of sad, if you think about it.”