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Friday June 29th, 2018

Nearly a quarter of young Americans have a sexual fetish involving Pokémon characters claims a new report published by Urban Measures, a polling and research firm based in Idaho. “We polled over three thousand young people between the ages of 16 to 25 about their sexuality,” says lead researcher Dr. Kal Ketchim. “It was a comprehensive survey, and while we discovered many things about the current sexual mores of Generation Z and younger millennials, none of our discoveries stood out as much as the popularity of poképhilia. That’s the term we use for someone who is sexually attracted to pocket monsters, or more commonly known as pokémon.”

Urban Measures ran a similar poll back in 2008, where poképhilia barely registered. “Something has happened over the last ten years that has lead to a huge increase in sexualizing pokémon characters,” says Dr. Ketchim. “I’m not sure what this says about society, but I do know that you have a lot of people out there right now having pokémon themed sexual congress.”

Paris Aliba, a twenty two year old university student from New York City, is one of those poképhile. “I can’t orgasm unless I’m dressed as Pikachu,” says Paris. “It’s the only thing that can get me off. I want to scream pika, pika, pika over and over again while my lover is inside of me. I want to volt tackle my man and grab his lightning rod. I want to shock him with a violet wand while he tries to capture me with his pokeballs. If I can’t have any of that, then the sex just isn’t worth it for me.”

Sexologist Paul Midan says that while poképhilia may seem strange to older people, it’s nothing to worry about. “Sexual fetishes evolve over time, just like pokémon do,” says Paul. “Right now, a lot of young adults like sexualizing the pop culture products that they grew up on. So what. It’s not a big deal.”
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