The federal liberals are celebrating a big victory for gender equality as young men flock by the tens of thousands to join the ranks of Canadian prostitutes. “Nearly 30% of all Canadian escorts are now men, that’s a huge increase in male representation in the field,” says Liberal policy analyst Jan Barth. ”We’re still a long, long way from social parity, but these numbers show that there’s a huge cultural transformation underway in our society. Now men and women are both willing to commodify their bodies and rent them out to the highest bidder. This goes to show you that capitalism can be woke, it can be feminist, and it can be gender neutral.”

Male whore Nathan Senbon agrees. “I’m a proud feminist capitalist,” says Nathan. “I believe that becoming a prostitute is a radical way of both challenging gender norms and affirming the supremacy of capitalist morality,” says Nathan. “Nothing turns me on more than helping contribute to a neoliberal culture that reduces everything to money. I am a walking human resource, an orifice with legs splayed for the wellbeing of our globalized economy. It’s awesome!”

Jan believes that as neoliberalism continues it’s war of conquest against the remaining cultures of the world, full gender parity in sex work will eventually be realized. “Soon, we’ll all be whores,” says Jan. “No exceptions! The fact that more and more men are becoming escorts is just the tip of the iceberg. I envision a future where prostitution is such a mundane part of our existence, that everyone engages in it a little bit everyday. In this brave new world, everyone will be for sale.”