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Thursday July 26th, 2018

DJ Goapuppy, an up and coming psytrance star, made light of a horrific car crash he survived by loudly screaming “I AM GROOT!” at the paramedics who were treating him. The DJ’s body had been pierced by a massive tree branch after he was thrown out of his car while speeding down a rural road in Quebec’s Eastern Townships. DJ Goapuppy kept paramedics amused by pretending to be Marvel Comic’s sentient arboreal alien character Groot, a giant talking tree.

“Being impaled by a tree isn’t funny,” says DJ Goapuppy, “but I couldn’t help joke about my situation. There was I was on the ground, bleeding my guts out, and all I could think about was how I probably looked like some weird mutant half-man, half-tree creature.” The DJ says he found himself disassociating from his own body in an order to cope with the excruciating pain he was in. “Pretending to be Groot kept my sanity in check. It also turned a traumatic experience into something slightly more tolerable.”

The paramedics were impressed with the DJs levity. “It’s not often that you find someone joking about being mutilated by a tree,” says first responder Kyle Manson. “DJ Goapuppy was a real trooper. He not only survived a horrific car accident, he turned it into acomedy routine that he’ll be able to use to pick up women for years to come.”

The DJ agreed. “I am totally getting laid by sharing this story with nerdy women. I’ll show them my scars and tell them all about the time I got serious about cosplaying as Groot. I’ll be irresistible at comic-con.”
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