Promoter Kyle Kylerson, famous for his ribaldrous raves, has caused his rivals marriage to fall a part after seducing the man’s wife and daughter. “This asshole kept scheduling his parties on the same weekend as mine, so I fucked his wife and his daughter.” says Kyle. “I did them both at the same time. We had a gang bang right on his bed. And I filmed it all. When I was done splooging all over his ladies, I sent him the video. ”

Kyle says his rival wasn’t just a bad promoter, but a bad father who got what was coming to him. “His wife hates him and his daughter doesn’t respect him,” says Kyle. “You think a well adjusted 22 year old woman would have a threesome with her mom? He’s as good a father as he is a promoter, which is to say he sucks.”

It’s not uncommon for rival rave promoters to get revenge on each other through sexual shenanigans says Urbanologist Kesha Sutherland. “Rave promoters engage in all sorts of odd territorial behaviour,” says Kesha. “For example, your average promoter will mark his territory by urinating over it. Some of the more elite rave promoters possess anal glands that secret a musk that warns others not to mess with them. Seducing a mate’s opponent is just one of the many fascinating ways that promoters negotiate territory.”