RETIRED DRUG CARTEL CAPO RESURFACES IN IBIZA AS HAPPY HARDCORE DJ
The internet is abuzz after retired Mexican drug capo Duro Contento resurfaced in Ibiza as a happy hardcore DJ. Pictures of the once feared butcher of Andalusia manning a DJ booth while wearing bright pink fun fur pants went viral on social media. Users struggled to make sense of the situation. “Duro Contento went from killing the innocent by the tens of thousands to killing the aesthetic sensibilities of people with good taste in music,” says music critic Horace Boucheron. “I’m not sure which is the greater atrocity, the time Mr. Contento’s thugs brutally raped and murdered an entire bus load of Catholic nuns, or the fact that he’s now subjecting the people of Ibiza to 1990s happy hardcore tracks. This man truly is evil, and it seems his cruelty has only gotten worse with age.”
Mr. Contento is best known for his murderous reign atop the legendary Los Gringos Tontos drug cartel, a multi billion dollar criminal enterprise that once had a monopoly on the North American monosaccharide trade. The American and Mexican government waged a long and bloody battle with the cartel, but were never able to stop it’s activities. In 2008 the organization mysteriously disbanded after Mr. Contento disappeared into the jungles of Mexico. His appearance at last week’s Pene Morbido rave marks the first time anyone has seen him in nearly a decade.
His actions at Pene Morbido only raises more questions, as the notorious capo-turned-DJ quickly vanished after playing his set. Why did he turn his back on organized crime? What has he been up to for ten years? Why has he become a happy hardcore DJ? We might never know the answers to these questions.
The promoters associated with the event are the only people who can shine a light on the mysteries surrounding Mr. Contento, but insist they didn’t know his true identity when they hired him. “He sent us some of his music over email and asked if he could play at our next party,” says organizer Raoul Esfinter. “We liked what he sent us, so we said sure. We don’t look into the backgrounds of our DJs, we didn’t ask any questions, the fact that he was a drug lord was something we only discovered after his picture went viral.”
Many party goers hope that this isn’t the last time we hear from Mr. Contento. “I know it’s terrible that he used to kill people by the thousands,” says 18 year old raver Carla Granbit, “but his set was so amazing that I think it evens out his karma. I really hope he’ll play more parties. We need more DJs like Duro Contento.”