Head’s are turning across the city as an increasing number of men take to the streets wearing nothing but their birthday suits and a pair of flashy red heels. “It’s the latest thing to hit the fashion world,” says designer Harley Bogota. “2015 was the year of shitty pink haircuts and obnoxious politics, and thank god it’s over because 2016 is going to be glorious!”

More and more men are sick and tired of feminist outrage culture and have decided that women just aren’t worth the hassle, so they’re embracing full blown homosexuality, and like anyone that walks out of the closet for the first time, they’ve decided to be as fabulous as possible — and they’re doing that by working out, getting fit, and walking around everywhere naked except for a pair of red high heels.

“We call ourselves the heelies,” says 19 year old runway model Chad Gibbons. “We wear heels as an act of defiance because we’re tired of bourgeois middle class feminists walking all over us. Feminism has been thoroughly captured by neoliberal capitalists. The ruling class are using gullible young women to attack working class men. Feminism in the English world is now dominated by journalists who work for mega-corporations. The feminists themselves always minimize or ignore class issues. They’ve successfully turned Marxism on its head and have constructed a political framework where the working class are now the oppressors of the bourgeoisie. If you’re a man, there’s no point caring about women. They’ve joined the dark side. They’re now agents of the ruling class, and their only interest is in destroying you so that the rich and powerful can stay rich and powerful. Right now, if you’re a guy under 25 and you’re not a millionaire, you’ll be much happier sucking cock than ploughing pussy. And the fact is, men can be sexy as fuck when they take of their clothes.”

Other heelies agree. “One of the best things about going gay is that you don’t have to put up with women,” says 28 year old banker Jordan Brown. “There’s so much less bullshit to put up with when you embrace homosexuality. Seriously, in a world where misandry is fashionable, why the hell would you want to sleep with a woman? Take off your clothe, slap on some red heels, and join the revolution. Heelies love men, unlike your average 25 year old woman. And we give way better blow jobs than they do.”