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Friday January 8th, 2016

Students from Harvard are congregating in Montreal over the weekend in an attempt to bring American social justice to Quebec. “Everywhere in the world, white homeless men are oppressing the ruling class,” says Harvard alum Theodore Von Richmond the 3rd. “At Harvard, we realize that class privilege isn’t real, a message that French feminists in Quebec have yet to realize. That’s why we’re coming here to anglicize our wayward sisters who have embraced a false image of feminism, an image that claims that white homeless men aren’t oppressing rich people. This simply cannot stand!”

Journalists across America have spent the last decade delegitimizing the anger of the poor and the working class by reframing everything in terms of gender and racial identities, says bourgeois anglochauvinist Chad Whitwaker. “After the 2008 recession, us rich people realized we were at risk of being violently murdered by all the working class folk whose lives we ruined,” says Chad. “That’s why we popularized a brand of feminism that reduces, minimizes, and ignores class privilege and financial issues. Have you ever noticed how all the people who talk about safe spaces for the oppressed never talk about creating safe spaces for the working class? Or how journalists who prattle about increasing diversity in the media never say we should add more working class voices? This is all part of our plan. We want to minimize and erase class and financial issues in order to protect our own privilege.”

Websites like Buzzfeed, Salon, and Gawker have all excelled in alienating the working class. “We invented a word, brocialism, to refer to anyone who challenges the idea that bourgeois women are oppressed by homeless men,” says Chad. “English feminists have basically flipped marxism on its head. In the past, the bourgeois were the oppressors of the working class, but thanks to the brand of feminism being taught at Universities like Harvard and Columbia, and then disseminated through middle class progressive news outlets, today it’s increasingly common for bourgeois people to claim they’re being oppressed by the workers. We’ve inverted Marxism!”

Unfortunately for Chad, French feminists in Quebec are still dedicated to the age old idea that class matters.

“It’s very frustrating, because bourgeois feminists have succeeded in colonizing most of the Western world,” says Chad. “But our efforts to turn French feminism into something that’s hostile to the working class has yet to succeed. That’s why Harvard students have come to Quebec. It’s important for the ruling class to crush any variety of feminism that doesn’t believe bourgeois women are victims of evil homeless men.”

Harvard students will be brainwashing feminists into hating the working class all week long at the Heralden Hotel on Sherbrooke. If you’re a rich white woman from Westmount who would like to blame poor people for oppressing you, they’ll be happy to talk with you.
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