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Thursday January 7th, 2016

Les Bourgeois Nues, Montreal’s newest club, is making waves online thanks to its controversial entrance fee: you can only get in if you give the bouncer a naked selfie of yourself. “We’re creating an environment that’s hostile to anyone who isn’t a self-confident whore,” says club owner Patrice Groskouille. “The success of a club depends on the clientele it attracts, and we wanted to attract people who are easy, sexy, and flirty. If you don’t have the courage to show your goods at the door, you don’t belong at Les Bourgeois Nues. It’s that simple.”

Many party goers love the club’s exclusivity. “The nude selfie requirement guarantees that you’re not going to have any boring wallflowers,” says 19 year old cock tease Jenna Moore. “Everyone at Les Bourgeois Nues is comfortable with getting naked at the drop of the hat. We’re all comfortable in our bodies. We all know how to socialize. None of us are awkward. None of us are thirsty for human touch. It’s like clubbing without the desperation, it’s wonderful.”

Not everyone shares Jenna’s enthusiasm. “Our society continues down this path of complete hedonism,” says 23 year old Catholic traditionalist Geoffrey Leroy. “Right now, the only way to be counter-culture is to be modest, to love your family, to value your heritage, and to believe in something greater than yourself. Our society has fallen so far, so fast, that being conservative is becoming forbidden. When teenagers have to read the bible like they’re breaking society’s taboos, you know that our society is on the verge of collapse. We have a couple more decades before western civilization falls in on itself. This club? It’s just another step on our path to total annihilation. Enjoy your bacchanalias, you pagan whores, because the end is nigh!”
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