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Wednesday February 24th, 2016

Party promoter Thomas LaRouche, the man behind Montreal’s extraordinarily successful Dias De La Punta Parties, credits his success to an unusual daily ritual. “Every morning before I take my shower, I like to stand in front of a full body mirror and masturbate to my own reflection,” says Thomas. “I think it’s impossible to make the most out of your life if you don’t love yourself. That’s why I always start the day with an act of outrageous self-love. All the millions I’ve made are a direct result of my mirror masturbation strategy.”

Psychologists say that Mr. Larouche’s masturbating technique makes sense. “Science shows that self-compassion and self-esteem both have profound effects on the quality of our lives,” says Dr. Yakubu Gowon. “Researchers haven’t studied the effects that erotic self-love might have on a person yet, which is a shame. I think Mr. Larouche might be a pioneer. Perhaps years from now, doctors will prescribe auto-masturbation therapy to patients with depression. It’s quite exciting to think about. Masturbation as therapy! The human body is linked the human mysterious ways.”

Mr. Larouche says he’s currently writing a book about his masturbation habits that he believes will unlock people’s blocked potential. “When you start your day by masturbating to yourself, you’re sending a clear message to the world: you’re so awesome, you turn yourself on.” says Mr. Larouche. “And your body responds to that message. Your posture changes, the way you carry yourself in public changes, the way you look at the world changes, and the world looks at you changes. Masturbating to yourself unlocks your full potential. People who don’t do it are limiting their opportunities to succeed. They need to jack off to level up.”

Larouche says his book will be available in stores by the end of the year.
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