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Tuesday April 5th, 2016

Hundreds of ravers at an Easter themed party in Vancouver’s west end have flocked to the internet with claims that Jesus attended their event. “Jesus raved with us,” says promoter Bernadict Cumblepott. “The real Jesus, god in the flesh, floated down to our party and danced his ass off to some sick dubstep before he flew back to heaven. As God as my witness, this really happened.”

Other guests agreed. “It was surreal. A long haired bearded Jewish looking guy floated down from the sky, took over the DJ booth, and started spinning some crazy beats,” says raver Tina Forscythe. “Then, after he played his set, he flew on to the dance floor where he busted moves like only the holy spirit can. Jesus is a raver and he knows how to DJ better than the devil can.”

Internet atheists are adamant that the ravers who reported sighting Jesus were all suffering from a collective delusion. “Look, as a long time atheist who likes arguing with people over Twitter and Reddit, I can tell you that God doesn’t exist,” says skeptic Henry Fedora. “And anyone who disagrees with me is a lunatic who shouldn’t be allowed to vote. I mean, do you really want to share political power with ravers who say they partied with Jesus over the weekend? They’re insane. We need to lock them up and throw away the key.”
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