Index - About Us Register - Login
Menu
 
Article Listings
 
Newest Articles
 
All Articles
Monthly View
 
2017 October
 
2017 September
 
2017 August
 
2017 July
 
2017 January
 
2016 May
 
2016 April
 
2016 March
 
2016 February
 
2016 January
 
2015 December
 
2015 November
 
2015 October
 
2015 September
 
2015 August
 
2015 July
 
2015 June
 
2015 May
 
2015 April
 
2015 March
 
2015 January
 
2014 September
 
2014 August
 
2014 July
 
2014 June
 
2014 May
 
2014 April
 
2013 November
 
2013 October
 
2013 June
 
2013 May
 
2013 April
 
2013 March
 
2013 February
 
2013 January
 
2012 November
 
2012 October
 
2012 September
 
2012 August
 
2012 June
 
2011 December
 
2011 November
 
2011 August
 
2011 July
 
2010 December
 
2010 November
 
2010 October
Like Us!
Wednesday September 16th, 2015
DJ GIVES UP ON BEING HUMAN, JOINS GOAT HERD
FEATURED ARTICLE



Montreal DJ Khalis Calissy has given up on being human and moved to England, where he has joined a goat herd. “People suck,” says Khalis. “I’d rather eat grass and frolic in the mountains with my goat brothers and sisters than spend another agonizing dealing with human beings."

The DJ has long been vocal about his affinity for goats. “Goats are smarter than people, they’re friendlier than people, and they make better lovers than people,” says Khalis. “A goat won’t stab you in the back and cheat on you with your best friend. A goat won’t laugh at you if you have trouble getting it up. A goat won’t question your taste in music or your masculinity. You know what, sometimes my penis doesn’t get erect, that doesn’t mean it’s okay to make fun of me. Goats never judge me the way people do."

Goatologist Siam Blanks says he’s not surprised that Khalis went and joined a goat herd. “It’s one of the weirder trends I’ve noticed over the last five years,” says Siam. "Tons of DJs are cutting ties with humanity to join goat herds. I think techno music is one of those things that really emphasizes how dependent we’ve become on technology. If we don’t balance out our use of technology by getting in touch with nature every once in awhile, eventually our brain breaks and we become goat people. That’s what i think has happened to DJs like Khalis. He focused so much of his time on making beep-hoop-bop music that he forgot how to be a human being."

Not everyone agrees with Siam’s assessment. “Techno is Satan’s music,” says evangelical Christian Brogan McAuley. “That’s why DJs are joining goat herds. They want to be closer to the devil that they serve. The Devil’s human form is half-man, half-goat. DJs, by joining goat herds, hope to impregnate a goat and give birth to Satan. That sounds ridiculous, but please understand, just as Jesus was born of an immaculate conception, so will Satan be born from the love of a man and a goat. The DJs are the devils army, working to bring him into this world."

Khalis doesn’t agree with either Siam or Brogan. “I have sex with goats because they respect me, not because I want to give birth to Satan,” says Khalis. “And I quit society because people suck, not because I was hungry for nature after spending years making techno music. People need to stop over-thinking things."
Comments
Contact Us | Copyright (c) 2017 Rave News