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Wednesday October 21st, 2015

Concordia's Union of Bourgeois Anglo Activists is drawing fire for their controversial plan to celebrate the Charlie Hebdo massacre. “We’re going to host a huge rave in honour of the brave resistance fighters who murdered the evil cartoonists behind Charlie Hebdo,” says Concordia student Barry Allan. “We are running straight towards the colonial oppressors, letting them know that their reign of terror is coming to an end. Death to those who disagree with white upper class bourgeois liberalism! Death to our opponents! Kill everyone who disagrees with English speaking university students! Intersectionality akbar!"

Many Montrealers are terrified at how radicalized and insane Concordia students have become. “The political climate at Concordia has become terrifying,” says a professor who insisted on remaining anonymous. “It sometime feels like we’re in the build-up of the third reich. English university activists in Montreal are now openly celebrating the murder of French speaking cartoonists, standing in judgment of a foreign culture despite not understanding it. They don’t seem to appreciate that the English in Montreal are a minority, and that their authoritarian fanaticism will end badly for English speakers, as they antagonize and vilify people who outnumber them. If students at Concordia don’t chill the hell out and back the fuck off, we’re going to see marches against our city’s English universities. It happened in the sixties, and it’s going to happen again if this keeps up. There is a deeply patronizing form of cultural chauvinism that permeates white english activism right now. It’s like they don’t realize that their brand of identity politics elevates their own culture, specifically yankee culture, above everyone else’s while pretending to champion diversity. English activists can get away with this crap in the rest of Canada, but in Montreal? We’re going to have English vs French race riots in the years ahead if things don’t change."

Many Francophones agree. “I am sick and tired of English liberal activists,” says Minette LaMignone. “The Charlie Hebdo massacre is one of those events that really highlights the deep cultural divide between English and French people. The problem is that Concordia and McGill aren’t part of Quebec society. They’re instruments of English domination. Most Concordia students don’t learn anything about Quebec society or history. They’re completely ignorant of how French people were treated prior to the quiet revolution, they have no appreciation for our historical struggles, they’re oblivious to the fact that Francophones used to make fifty cents for every dollar Anglophones made, they don’t realize that when the KKK came to Montreal, it was to harass the French, they don’t remember that the English used to tell the French to speak white. These English liberals at Concordia erase our history, and then they spit on us and lecture us about morality. It is incredibly insulting that our conquerors turn around and claim we’re the oppressor, all while pissing over our culture and our values. The bigots that our English universities keep pumping out are in for a rude awakening. If these Universities don’t get a grip on their student politics and start teaching them to respect French culture, a government far more radical than the Party Quebecois will wind up in power, and when that happens, their will be hell to pay."

Concordia student Barry Allan disagrees. “Look, at the end of the day, English liberalism represents the one true path to freedom and liberty,” says Barry. “The only way to free the planet from colonialism is by colonizing it with yankee bourgeois values. Francophones who don’t agree with English values and social mores are pathetic bigots who need to be eradicated off the face of the earth. If you’re not an English speaking bourgeois liberal, you deserve to be murdered in a hail of gunfire just like the cartoonists at Charlie Hebdo. That’s what I believe, and a lot of Concordia activists agree with me. And that’s why our Murder-the-French-Cartoonists party is guaranteed to be a smash hit! It’s going to be full of anglo-chauvnistic cultural imperialists dedicated to imposing yankee values on the world. And the DJs we got lined up are off the hook."
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