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Friday October 9th, 2015

Party promoters across Canada are promising to organize a country wide rave if the conservatives are re-elected. “If Harper is the prime minister come October 20th, we’re going to kick start the raver revolution,” says brain addled psytrance enthusiast Jerome Buckwaffle. “We’re going to rave away the corruption, the fear mongering, the bad policies! We’re going to change Canada’s political culture one DJ set at time. From Halifax to Victoria, from Yellowknife to Kingston, the EDM generation will march, glow stick in hands, to Ottawa."

Jerome says that the British techno scene inspired him to start a Canadian raver uprising. “Over in the U.K, ravers have organized a non-stop rave outside parliament in an effort to overthrow the democratically elected Conservative party. They’re using the power of techno to let David Cameron know: democracy failed the English, and only psytrance can save them!"

Canadian conservatives disagree. “The existence of raver protests says a lot about the state of today’s liberal opposition,” says conservative M.P Bernard Fiddlesworth. “Their taste in music is as awful as their taste in politics. The fact that they think they can change the world with a dance party speaks volumes about their utter lack of common sense. It wouldn’t be that bad if these raver revolutionaries were at least using dubstep to move the masses, but they’re playing that hippy bullshit psytrance crap."

The working class agrees. “Normal people don’t listen to psytrance,” says plumber Carl Craquefess. “I might have supported this raver revolution if the DJs were going to play some drum & bass or maybe some happy hardcore, but psytrance? Goddam hippies and their goddamn hippy music. If the police don’t gun them down, I hope they choke on their dirty dreadlocks."

Jerome says he’s undeterred by social resistance. “We might have lost the vote, and we might not have the support of the public, but we won’t let that stop us,” says Jerome. “We serve the mighty gods of psytrance. History is on our side. Down with democracy, up with psytrance!"
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