Concordia University students are making asses of themselves yet again, as countless liberal art undergraduates have launched a campaign to make homosexuality illegal. “Gay men discriminate against women,” says kale enthusiast and shrieking harpy Heather Godwin. “Gay men say that they don’t want to have sex with women. Everyone knows that sexuality is culturally constructed. Gays have culturally constructed a sexual identity that rejects half the human population. This is simply unacceptable in a modern, progressive society. We demand that gay men start having sex with us!"

Several University professors agree with Heather. “Human sexuality is a social construct,” says Concordia's Dr. Rich Encrisse. “And if human sexuality is socially constructed, there’s no moral basis for gay men to refuse the sexual advances of straight women. If sexual identities are a choice, then gay men are choosing to discriminate against women. That’s misogynistic and immoral. We need to criminalize homosexuality."

Heather believes that gay men must pay sexual reparations to women. “Women are entitled to male bodies,” says Heather. “The only acceptable solution to homosexuality is to turn gay men into sex slaves who are obedient to bourgeois white feminists. Thanks to the growing power of our Universities, the holy churches of our modern era, more and more people are recognizing the divine nature of Academic feminism, which is the true word of The Mother Goddess, peace be unto her. Thanks to our growing strength, if gay men don’t spread their legs for women willingly, we will legislate their sexual preferences to make them more politically correct."

Not all gay men are thrilled by the prospect of feminist enslavement. “The LGBT scene has lost the plot,” says gay activist Carl Beefcake. “It’s obvious to most sane people that feminists are not allies of gay men. These bourgeois rich white bitches have spent years in their Ivory Towers learning how to highjack minority movements for their own benefit. Sorry darlings, but if you’re from a white upper class family and you can afford to waste years of your life getting a gender studies degree, you are not the oppressed. You are the oppressor. Now you want to kick gay men out of the club we started once we’re finally getting some respect? Fuck that and fuck you. Gay men have a habit of winning the battles we start, and if feminists want to wage war against us, I say bring it on, ladies. You’ll regret it."