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Wednesday November 25th, 2015

The Montreal Coalition Against Poverty, an organization founded by party promoters in 1998 with the goal of bringing techno music to the homeless, is launching a new initiative on November 21st that’s sure to get tongues wagging across Canada. “We’re going to fight poverty by throwing money free parties,” says MCAP’s current president Noel Goodleson. “Instead of paying with cash to attend our events, we want people to pay us in pogs. Once our society embraces pogs instead of money, we will usher in a post-capitalist world where we are all homeless but have plentiful access to techno music. It’ll be raver heaven.”

Drug addled pog enthusiast John Gruber agrees. “When i’m not sleeping in an alleyway, I’m slamming pogs on park benches with my fellow hobos. When you get right down to it, most homeless people have lots of pogs, but we don’t have lots of money, so this Pogs-Not-Gold MCAP initiative is going to make a real difference in our quality of living. It’s time all the rich fats cats realize that pogs are just as valid a current as fiat money printed by a central bank whose legitimacy rests upon the slovenly disinterest of the masses. If the people wake up and say ‘no, you’re money is worthless,’ than bang, it becomes worthless. At the end of day, the only thing that gives money value its value is the trust people put in it. If we no longer trust the currency, than it collapses. It’ll be glorious when the proles rise up and start treating pogs with more respect than cash. I hope this initiative takes off, if only for the spectacle of it all.”

Pog makers, for their part, are seeing a huge boom in business. “MCAP isn’t the first organization that’s called for a pog-based economy,” says POG & PLUNDER Industries, the largest maker of pogs in the state of Vermont. “In fact, it’s a little known fact, but the U.S Government already pays it’s soldiers in pogs. Google it if you don’t believe me. It’s true. White nationalists like to believe that America is controlled by ZOG, but the truth is, it’s really controlled by pog.”

Ravers in Montreal are looking forward to a future dominated by pogs. “Man, I loved those milk cap toys when I was a kid in the 90s,” says DJ Hipster Tits, “so i’m down with the idea of replacing money with pogs. I mean, once hyperinflation hits and our dollars are worth pennies, what will we do with our cash? At least pogs double as toys.”
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