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Tuesday May 19th, 2015

21-Year-Old Olympic gymnast Patricia Roquette was admitted to the St-Lawrence General Hospital late Saturday night with life threatening injuries she received during a bar altercation at Les Tetons Atomique. The gold medal winning athlete had apparently triggered a group of women with her svelte frame and incredibly toned body.

“Several women at Les Tetons Atomique became angry at Patricia because she was just too hot,” says Sgt. Mason Peralta. “They felt that her body was too fit for the public, and that she should have been wearing more clothing so as to not to inspire shame in the other women attending the bar."

Witnesses say the altercation soon devolved into violence. “The women approached Patricia and told her she should be ashamed of her body,” says Les Tetons Atomique regular Louis Dinofrio. “When Patricia told them to get lost, they started screaming at her, calling her a misogynist, telling her that her fashion sense, exercise regimen, and commitment to living a healthy and active lifestyle was triggering them."

The angry women then hit Patricia over the head with a beer bottle and started kicking her. “It got ugly fast,” says Louis. “A bunch of us at the bar intervened and separated Patricia from her attackers, but by then a lot of damage had already been done."

Activists online celebrated Patricia’s brutal beating, calling it a step in the right direction. “Fit women who exercise regularly need to feel ashamed of their bodies,” says activist Leah Crotteu. “For far too long, overweight people who don’t exercise have been on the receiving end of a great deal of emotional abuse in our society. Now it’s payback time. Fit bitches need to suffer for their sins. All bodies are beautiful except skinny ones."

Sgt. Peralta asks that skinny people cover up their bodies while in public, lest they incur the wrath of angry activists. “It’s better to be safe than sorry,” says Sgt. Peralta. “I’d also recommend not telling anyone you go to the gym and if you’re on a diet, please keep it to yourself, since sharing that information might trigger fat people."
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