DOZENS INJURED IN RAVER RIOT
Police are calling for calm after a raver blood feud spiraled out of control this weekend, resulting in devastating riots that lead to dozens of injuries, hundreds of millions of dollars in property damage, and the death of at least one pet iguana.
“It all started when Miles Morrisberg, a popular Dubstep DJ, got into an argument with Brad Bergmorris, a popular Psytrance DJ,” says professional raver and riot enthusiast Leanne Fines. “They were fighting over the merits of of which music genre was objectively better, and when they couldn’t come to an agreement, Miles had some of his friends beat up Brad."
Sgt. Mason Peralta of the Montreal Police says that this inciting incident set off a terrible chain reaction that culminated in the riots that gripped downtown Montreal over the weekend. “After Brad was assaulted, he retaliated by having his friends beat up Miles,” says Sgt. Peralta. “In response, Miles had his friends beat up Brad's friends. This lead to Brad's friends calling in extra friends of theirs, who then went on to beat the people who had just beaten their friends up. This, in turn, resulted in the people who had just been beaten up calling up more of their friends to attack their attackers. This cycle of escalation kept on going until Montreal’s downtown core had turned into a war zone where Dubstep fans waged battle against Psytrance fans."
Cars were set on fire, barricades were set up, sound systems were brought in, and the two armies of music fans met fist with fist and beat with beat. “I think we can safely say that Montreal witnessed the first of the raver wars,” says Leanne. “It was epic."
In the end, Montreal Mayor Serge Lapoutine had to call in the Quebec National Guard to restore order. “Violence begets violence,” says the Mayor. “Ravers need to learn to love each other. Don’t hate your brother because he doesn’t like the same music you do. That will just end badly for everyone."