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Tuesday March 31st, 2015
WOMAN FINDS BAG OF DICKS IN BAR RESTROOM



Mandy Mason, a patron at Bar Les Fesses D’Or made a gruesome discovery last Friday after discovering a bag of dicks in the woman’s restroom.

“It’s a small restroom with only two stalls, and the one I went entered had this black garbage bag near the door that was half open,” says Mandy. “When I walked by the bag I noticed what looked like a penis inside of it. Intrigued, I opened the rest of the bag and was shocked at what I found. It was a penis. And there were more. There must have been dozens of them in that bag, all of them had been cut off. They all looked incredibly fresh too."

Police say they don’t know where the penises came from. “According to forensics, the men were still alive at the time that their penises were removed,” says Sgt. Batista of the SPVM. “We don’t know what happened to these men, we don’t know who they are, and we don’t know the circumstances under which their penises were removed. We are currently asking the public for any information they may have about this, as we are worried about the safety and wellbeing of these men."

Bar owner Leo Goudreau says he can’t imagine why anyone would leave a bag of dicks in a bar rest room. “It’s sinister,” says Leo. “Someone brought in a bag of bloody dicks to our establishment. There’s a serial penis cutter stalking the streets of Montreal. That’s kind of terrifying."

Anyone with information on the mysterious big back of dicks found at Bar Les Fesses D’Or is urged to come forward.
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