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Monday March 9th, 2015

Dozens of ravers were killed over the weekend after a drone attacked an outdoor winter party.

“We were just dancing in the snow to the latest and greatest EDM beats when all of a sudden we heard this loud buzzing sound coming from the sky,” says party goer Samuel DeChamplain. “That buzzing noise gave way to a series of loud and fast BANG! BANG! BANG! sounds. I looked up and saw a machine gun floating in the sky and then I ran like hell."

Within seconds, people were falling to the ground. “The white snow turned ruby red,” says Samuel. “Have you ever seen blood soaked snow? It’ll give you carmine colored nightmares."

The drone was apparently equipped with a machine gun. “This was the first time on record of people being attacked by drones equipped with a machine gun,” says Sgt. Batista of the Montreal police department. “This is a worrisome development which we believe will have dire consequences for our society."

Ray Winston, the promoter of the outdoor winter party, says the event will be his last. “We now live in a world where flying machine gun robots can be used to attack ravers,” says Ray. “No one in their right mind should organize an outdoor party. The era of safe raving is over."

This makes some moral crusaders happy. “While we don’t necessarily condone flying machine gun robots, we’re happy to see that this event will be Ray’s last,” says Women Against Fun founder Marie Tuleshommes. “Our society is a decadent and degenerate mess that needs to be destroyed. People like Ray are out there trying to have fun when they should be rolling up their sleeves and smashing the patriarchy. The loss of human life is always a sad thing, but sometimes people deserve to die. If you’re out there having fun instead of fighting the system, don’t blame us if you get gunned down by a flying machine gun robot."
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