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Tuesday March 3rd, 2015

The Greater Montreal School Board has banned the Narnia novels in order to curtail LSD usage among students.

“Over the last two years, Going To Narnia has become a euphemism for dropping LSD,” says school board president Reginald Serieux. “In order to discourage students from Going to Narnia, we’ve placed a five year ban on the book series. Students will no longer be allowed to read the Narnia series on school property."

Parents, for their part, are being warned about the link between reading the Narnia series and getting high on LSD. “It’s important for parents to understand that while Going to Narnia starts with LSD, it often ends with crystal meth and five dollar blow jobs,” says Dr. Emmett Brownstone. “Banning the Narnia novels on school properties won’t, in and of itself, stop this menace from spreading. Parents need to be aware that if their children are reading the book series or are fans of the movies, they are most likely taking massive amounts of drugs."

Dr. Brownstone says parents are likely to find LSD tucked inside of the pages of a Narnia novel. “That’s where most teenagers are hiding their drugs these days,” says Dr. Brownstone. “Open up a copy of Narnia, and you’ll LSD on the first page."

Reginald Serieux says parents need to know that LSD is a gateway drug. “It might start with LSD, but it rarely ends with LSD. Don’t let your children near the Narnia series unless you want them turning tricks to support their drug habit."

Teenagers, for their part, dispute the claim that Going to Narnia is a euphemism for taking LSD. “They have it backwards,” says 15 year old Kelly Beaucoup. “Taking LSD is a euphemism for going to Narnia, not the other way around. Narnia is real, and old people are to square to go there."
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