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Friday June 5th, 2015

Religion in Quebec isn’t dead, but it continues to struggle as people across the province turn their backs on faith, causing countless churches to shutter their doors in the face of heathenism.

Despite the stunning collapse of religion in Quebec, not all churches are in trouble. Some of them are doing blockbuster business, as people who are struggling to find meaning in their lives turn to lesser known faiths for their salvation.

The success of Rev. Pierre Grossekeu of the Cathedral of the Golden Phallus shows that religion doesn’t have to die out, it can still prosper, even in a secular society like ours. The reverend has seen the popularity of his cathedral explode over the last five years, as Montrealers thirsty for the seed of faith flock to his church in growing numbers.

“We’re having trouble accommodating all the people who want to attend our services,” says the reverend. “We attribute the massive success of our church to our raver outreach program. Every month, we throw a free EDM party where young people can come and dance to good music while learning about the glories of living a just and compassionate life based on moral rectitude and rock hard cocks. We lure them in with a chance to shake their ass to some fantastic techno music, but we capture their hearts with our message of divine love. The penis is peace. The penis is joy. The penis is glory. Amen."

The Cathedral of the Golden Phallus isn’t Montreal’s only penis worshipping church.
The Temple of Priapus, to name one example, has been around for decades and has chapters across North America. “We’re not affiliated with the Temple of Priapus,” says the Reverend. “We consider our own church part of the Christian faith. We may both worship the cock, and we may both believe in the divinity of the phallus, but that’s where our similarities end. Our church, for one, believes that Jesus Christ inhabits every penis and that drinking male semen is the true way of eating the holy host. By accepting a penis into your mouth, you accept Jesus into your heart. It’s a belief that resonates with a lot of young people. We put sex front and centre at our church. Sex is good, sex is god."

Ravers who are interested in cock worship can attend the Cathedral’s next party June 23rd at City Hall’s Roche Dure complex.
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