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Wednesday July 29th, 2015

Montreal’s nightlife has been languishing for nearly a decade now. There isn’t a week that goes by without a club shuttering it’s doors or a rave promoter getting carted off to jail for indecent exposure.

The sorry state of this city’s party scene has lead to the creation of a new organization, The League of Concerned Party People. The LCPP have spent the last two years trying to figure out how to save Montreal’s nightlife, and they believe they have the answer.

“Wrench fighting will fix everything,” says LCPP founder Gerald Christie. “We’ve discovered that cities where young men engage in brutal acts of violence towards one another are statistically more likely to have kick-ass party scenes. We've started organizing wrench fighting clubs because Montreal's party scene will only improve once it becomes more dangerous."

Wrench fighting clubs are like boxing clubs, but with wrenches. “We put two people in a ring, we arm them with wrenches, and then we let them beat the shit out of each other,” says Gerald. “It’s exactly like boxing, except without any of the rules. Or safety precautions. And people use wrenches instead of fists. But other than that, it’s exactly the same thing."

Gerald and the LCPP believe that the wrench fighting matches will have a trickle down effect on the rest of the city. “Creativity is an act of violence,” says Gerald. “There’s a reason the famous anarchist, Michael Bakunin, said that destruction was also an act of creation. Because it is. In order to create, we must destroy. The two acts are linked together, different sides of the same coin. By encouraging people to destroy each other, we believe that they’ll be more likely to create new and wonderful things. Deliberate acts of violence will lead to the creation of new music genres, new clubs, new parties, new everything. Wrench fights will revitalize Montreal and curb the slow and quiet death of our party scene."

Many old school ravers agree. “There’s a reason that Montreal’s party scene was booming back when the biker gangs ran everything,” says party promoter Dallas Gauthier. “And that’s because bikers know how to party. People who don’t live dangerous lives don’t create interesting art. Montreal’s nightlife needs more danger, and wrench fighting offers us that. Bring on the blood sports!"
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