TICKETS FOR BALL PIT RAVE COSTS $500, YOUR DIGNITY
John Inglewood & Doreen Saddler, Promoters for Montreal’s Inaugural Ball Pit Rave, have come under fire for the exorbitant price that they’re charging for the event. “They’re selling tickets for $500 a pop,” says ball pit enthusiast Leena Lachance. “I love ball pits. I love jumping in them. I love playing in them. I love the idea of raving in a gigantic ball pit, dancing to some amazing music by some of Montreal’s finest DJs. I do not love the idea of paying $500 for the opportunity.”
Despite her resistance, Leena caved in and bought a ticket anyways. “Eh, I couldn’t say no to a ball pit rave. No one’s ever done it before. For $500, it better be amazing.”
John and Doreen say the high price is justified. “We’ve got an amazing DJ line-up, we booked one of the largest venues in Montreal, and we’ve bought over a hundred thousand plastic coloured balls to fill the venue up,” says Doreen. "On the bright side, if the event is a success, future ball pit raves will cost a lot less. You have no idea how expensive it is to buy a hundred thousand balls. Now that we own them, though, we predict that future parties will only cost $400 a ticket. That’s a huge discount!”
Many ravers don’t see what the big deal is with ball pits. “I don’t think dancing in a ball pit sounds like much fun,” says 19 year old party girl Kayla Quinn. “I mean, it might be fun for like three minutes, but if you spend an entire night dancing in a waist deep ball pit, you’re going to have knees so bruised that you’ll feel like a call girl at a Republican convention. It just sounds like a bad idea.”
Other ravers disagree. “Man, ball pits are the best,” says overly enthusiastic 45 year old creepy party guy Michael Muggles. “I always love the crowd that ball pits attract. A rave that’s just one giant ball pit? That warms the cockles of my old, skeevy heart."